Becoming...
"It is never too late to become what you might have been." George Eliot
This quote came across a friend's news feed the other day, and has fully lodged in my brain ever since. I am intrigued with this idea of continuing to grow and become, and the notion that there is no finish line, as long as I'm alive.
A friend told me about her self-challenge to do something she's never done before, once a month between her latest birthday and the next. That intrigues me too, though once a month seems like a lot for this structured individual. I don't know that I have room for 1 new thing a month, and at first pass, I thought that'd I'd have to try pretty hard to find things I've never done before, and that I'm interested in. But, last night I helped to sell merchandise at a concert (Ringo Starr - awesome show). I've never done that before. And next month I'm going to see the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. I've been to New York, but have never seen the Rockettes. Maybe I can accept the personal challenge to get out of my very comfortable, fully carpeted and air conditioned rut. OK, so my life is hardly a rut, but I do have my well-honed preferences and habits.
The real challenge here is to be open to opportunities to stay fully engaged with life and the world around me, my program and the Steps of recovery without the dreaded complacency settling in. "Comfortable" can be dangerous for us alcoholics.We are told that we have a "daily reprieve," and when I start thinking that I've got it all figured out, I'm probably headed for trouble. Continuing to take personal inventory, being of service - whether that is to the newcomer, the old-timer, or the neighbor down the street - helps me stay focused on the here and now as well as the adventure of becoming.
"It is never to late to become what you might have been." That notion had a certain urgency when I was newly sober and wondering what I might do for work, what I might do with my life now that I was free from addiction. As I age, in both recovery and years on the planet, the "what next?" is softer, but still there. I've been blessed to have accomplished many of my desires: I earned my degrees, I published my novel, I own my home, I've run marathons, and marathons in amazing places... But I've always been a seeker, whether that is for the spiritual key to whatever locked door I'm knocking on, to exploring beautiful places, to the quest for emotional, physical and spiritual health. I will keep this quote posted where I can see it, to remind me that whether once a month, or as Higher Power sees fit, I am open to the joys and challenges of long term recovery.
And just maybe the becoming has to do with self-acceptance. I can seek without striving. I can grow into the idea that right here, right now, everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be.
I really love your postings. Even though I don't get to see you in person, reading your thoughts keeps your presence vivid in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI am accepting that I don't have the energy or the drive or the years to do some of the things that I might want to do, or to be different in certain ways. But I'm feeling more and more tolerant of myself and my lapses, my "should've, could've, would've" that weren't done, my paths not taken. And yet, I still do keep doing little new things. Sometimes they get put aside, but I also don't have any great feeling of urgency about it. Most things, such as learning coding or brushing up on algebra or starting a coloring book, or losing weight, will wait if I am not yet ready. And once I am ready, things that seemed so hard become almost easy.
I am physically limited as to what I can do given the place I live and the rules governing my life here, but that frees me up in some ways to explore on a more cerebral level. While I still wish I could wander the hills every weekend, given that I am not allowed to do so, I am more likely to watch a new movie, or read a new book or post on a friend's blogsite.
So for me, in some ways, it is too late, but that doesn't matter. I can still be many things, most of which I hadn't thought of before. Hugs.
And you definitely have an adventurous spirit, you of around-the-world travel and work. Thanks for sharing... and yes, nice to stay connected over time and distance.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jeanine. I'm not sure the "what you might have been" feels right, but for sure it's never too late to keep learning, exploring, staying engaged with life. Of course there are decisions I can wish I'd made differently, but that was then and this is now. Recovery has continued to enrich my life in ways I could not have predicted and if it took shitty decisions to get me willing to dive into recovery, then so be it. I'm gratefulI to have survived and not drifted too far from meetings and service which has in many ways been more fulfilling than travelogue type adventures and experiences, or youthful ambitions like imagining fame and fortune. I find the richest rewards in connections when working with and listening to others and being listened to, when I know we're all in this human experience together willing to be vulnerable and working with what's in front of us one day at a time. Enjoying your thoughts....
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