Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Attachment

I do not claim to be Buddhist, though I've read and appreciated a fair amount of spiritual literature over the years based on Buddhist concepts. The principle that always causes me a pang of discomfort is the hard truth of impermanence and the idea that human suffering comes from our attachment to those things that are fleeting - people, places, things.

My bicycle was stolen last week. My hot, red, sleek road bike that sliced through the air like a kite. I was firmly attached to that bike and was furious when it was taken. I realized over the ensuing 24 hours is that it wasn't the bike itself I was attached to (though it was a really nice bike!), but all that it represented: my one and only century (100 miler), grueling Cycle Oregon weekends with daily rides of 60-80 miles, tough slogs up Rocky Butte, gorgeous rides along Marine Drive or out to Sauvie's Island...This bike represented me as a fit, strong and adventurous woman. With the wind in my hair, I felt free and I felt strong, even though these days I mostly just rode the three miles to work. I was attached to the bike and to my self-image as a cyclist, however dated that might be. And so, I took a deep breath, expressed my feelings to anyone who would listen and prayed to let go (while making a police report).

Part of what brought me back to reality was a conversation I had the next day with a man who sat in my office sobbing because his wife had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. I'm upset over a few pieces of metal and 2 tires; this man's beloved might die. Am I "wrong" for being attached to what my bike represented? No. I'm human, with a sometimes overactive ego and a tendency to personalize inanimate objects. Is this person in error for being attached to his idea of a life with his wife? I don't think so - we humans are designed to connect. While I can logically understand that my attachments cause me pain, I also know that impermanence is all well and good until it's your wife, your job, your sense of self that is threatened.

I can use the principle of non-attachment as a guide, a reminder. Emotional pain is real, and all things change. Nothing stays the same. Nothing, be it a bicycle, a relationship or my image in the mirror.

I'm reading the new Jack Kornfield book, "No Time Like the Present - Finding Freedom, Love and Joy Right Where You Are." I put that to the test when the bike was taken. Really God, right where I am at this very moment find joy and love when I am angry and upset? Yes, really. Kornfield suggests that when we feel "stuck in a tiny part of the big picture, contracted, or caught up," we "take a breath and visualize [ourselves]stepping back" (p.12).  Another way to say,"pause when agitated or doubtful." Bill Wilson, Jack Kornfield - same thing.

Old ideas of possession, of circumstances staying the same because I want them to, of those I love being here forever, are hard to change, because they're my old ideas. And that's precisely why my spiritual quest didn't stop with putting down the drink. I continue to be confronted with choices of how to put the principles of the program into action. The Big Book says that we will come to a point where we view our troubles as an opportunity to capitalize on God's omnipotence. I'm not quite there, not automatically anyway. Progress not perfection. Detach with love. Slow down and recognize what truly matters, and accept that change is part of this amazing and confounding life.

Where does attachment trip you up? How do you practice letting go, even in the midst of an upset?

4 comments:

  1. Another great topic my friend. Ahh attachment. Yes, I find I get quite attached to ideas of myself and who I am and how I should be, not to mention my ideas of how others should be/act. But I also get attached to routines. So this morning, I deliberately changed one major aspect of my routine. It was a little thing, but I keep alleging I don't mind change, yet certain routines for me are very important. So, I feel like I have a responsibility to my own integrity (also important to me) to walk my talk, so for the next week, will be mixing things up. Not a big deal and probably no one other than I will even notice, but these little things matter.

    I do have some possessions that I dearly love and would be sad if something happened to them, but for the most part, I'm pretty good with the idea that things come and go. I give things away on a regular basis too which helps me with that. As part of my idea of myself, I don't consider myself to be very sentimental, so only have one box of old photos/letters, etc., that I consistently lug around as I move from place to place.

    I do see that when I am upset or lonely or sad, I want my comfort stuff - my blanket, my couch, my ipad...but I guess because I move every couple years, I know that which couch, which blanket or which ipad isn't that important.

    And Pause when Agitated is a great reminder - along with my ongoing mantra, don't be an asshole. These really help me walk through the world without stirring up too much dust. I continue to strive for a light footprint.

    Thanks again.
    Cheri

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  2. Ah, changing routines.... a good idea.Thanks for chiming in.

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  3. ..and comparison is usually a dicey thing. Being reminded of starving kids in India didn't make me like canned spinach any better. I don't love change, even though it's the only constant. Can I accept that don't accept change very well?
    Sorry about your bike.

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    1. Exactly. I can shame myself a bit with comparison, as in "I shouldn't feel whatever." Glad it's one day at a time with self acceptance and the whole lot of it.

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