Thursday, August 3, 2017

It's August. It's hot. And I am just about tapped out...

In the year+ that I've been writing this blog, I've become increasingly aware of my process. When something is on my mind - triggered by an event, a memory or something I've read - my writing flows and the entry nearly writes itself. When I sit down with a "maybe this" or "maybe that," the piece is chunky and clunky and doesn't feel quite right, which is where I am this week.

On this oppressively hot August day, my mind is in the doldrums of deep summer. I'm hitting my meetings. I have a new sponsee. I'm getting ready for vacation. And I don't have much to say. So I will sit in the luxury of air-conditioning and worry about the garden, and about the planet, with prayers that we're not too late to move from greed to conservation. I will make cobbler with fruit from the U-pick farm. I will appreciate in awe my fore-mothers who spent Augusts sweating over canning pots, and be grateful for the many conveniences of my time. I will express gratitude that, while I may be sweltering, I am not hung over.

And, when the spirit moves me, I will write again...

Sometimes recovery is front and center, and sometimes is it like an old friend who doesn't need much attending to. Where are you today? How do you maintain your recovery focus during the fallow periods?


2 comments:

  1. This is a very relevant post for me. My job is in flux (we have a summer transfer season, and after two years, several of us are in the process of leaving), and a new person is at my desk, I'm in a temporary position for a few weeks, then traveling to the US, packing in a bunch of visiting, traveling, etc. And then off to a new place for three years. Right now, all my AA folks are out of the country, and I have a mixture of sad, happy, restless, eagerness to leave, reluctance to pack and say goodbye...

    I was able to go to Dubai (my future home) and get applause and a 31 year chip so that was nice. I have chosen a life with regularly scheduled upheavals, and I don't regret that. But sometimes I find it harder to embrace change than other times. I think at some point I need to let myself be truly sad about saying good bye to this beautiful green city, even though it is also a symbol of my limitations and a reminder that I really am not "special"... But HALT, Skype calls with friends and my sponsor, moments of prayer and meditation, and appreciation for my life all help me get through - next week one of the AA folks will be back in town after two months away, and the new person at my desk is someone who I already like and trust. So, it works out. I am not in charge.

    Thanks for providing a space for this. I don't get to many meetings, so this is a delight for me.

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  2. Transitions... and the reminder that "I am not in charge." Safe travels, dear friend, and best wishes for your new assignment.

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