A topic in one of my meetings this week was the 9th Step Promises, with the reminder "they are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly sometimes slowly," not that I, personally, will wake up one day with all having come true for me in that moment. I did have an attitude and outlook change, almost from the beginning. Funny how being sober gave me the energy to live according to my morals and values. I always had a moral compass, but did my best to either outrun it, or ignore the still small voice all together because it just wasn't any fun. Initially, staying true to my values took concentration - those "is this my will or HP's?" questions. Today, without "resting on my laurels," I can rest assured that I have decades of walking this spiritual path, and if the way forward isn't obvious, I have sponsors and trusted others to help me get clear.
The part in the Promises that tends to catch me is "we shall not regret the past." I've often beat myself up for regretting the past, but I've just realized that it is OK to regret the past - not in a morbid reflection kind of way, but as a teacher and a reminder of how I never want to be again.
Along those lines, I worked a Step 10 with my sponsor last week. She gave me the assignment of doing a formal, written Step 10 each night - not something either of us have done with regularity. I often say that my gut is my Step 10, but I like the idea of noting positives and negatives from my day, seeing which behaviors and attitudes are repeat offenders. I can get comfortable with my old ideas, because they're my ideas - the superpower of rationalization convinces me I'm right. Pen to paper can provide hard evidence of, oh look - this is how judgement shows up, or there is "me, me, me" in living color. Now, what am I to do about it?
What I'm to do is definitely related to Steps 6/7. I had a mini-spiritual awakening as I read about Step 6 in one of my daily meditation books. I'd long thought of Step 6 as me sitting on a lily pad, gritting my teeth, trying to muster enough willingness so that sunbeams from heaven would surround me and vacuum up any character defects. What the reading suggests is that Step 6 is simply about being willing to change. In 1,2,3 I acknowledge a problem that I can't fix on my own. With 4/5 I get a clear(er) idea of what I'm working with - how, specifically, did my behaviors harm myself and others? What is my modus operandi? OK then, 6 is moving, even incrementally, to being willing to change those characteristics that impact my relationships, and then in 7 I'm flat on my back on the floor, looking at the whole of it - the good, bad and the ugly. The prayer asks Creator to remove whatever is in the way of my usefulness, but for me, it's more like, "OK self, I now see where I bump up against the world and its people. Please, let me be willing/self-disciplined enough to pause and do something different, even if just a little bit." And for me, this means that whatever has been troubling me will be in my face. What? Impatience is your problem? Well here's a very long train on your path, forcing you to sit and stew or perhaps sit and think of a gratitude list. Is it judgement? Ah, well, get a load of the person who pushes all your buttons. Your choice - accept them for who they are or internally steam about how they should be.
My spouse and I spent a couple of nights at the Oregon coast to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. We started in the town of Seaside, at the nooner at the Little Yellow House, where meetings have been held for 40 if not 50 years. We stopped in Cannon Beach for our favorite pizza (Pizza al Feta if you're in the area) before making our way further south to the little town of Rockaway. My step-pop used to have a place there, so we're familiar with meetings in the area, going to the 7pm. We made the group eight sitting around the table, then joined by a couple from Oahu who made it ten.
During announcements, the secretary spoke of a brand-new outdoor morning meeting, first time the next day. What the heck - we're game, so got up early and drove to where we thought it might be, only to go in circles until we saw a Park Ranger who told us of another park with the same name. Rather than tell us where to go, he said, "Follow me!" and headed off (to where we might not have ended up on our own). In the meantime, we'd called the hotline, and because it was so new, the fellow had no information, but said he'd call his sponsor. Just as he called us back with more specifics, the Park Ranger pointed to the Nehalem City park. Thank you, kind sir. Pulling into the parking lot, we noticed a couple of fellows, one young and tattooed, one older, playing frisbee and in the distance, what appeared to be a Big Book on a picnic table. Our people!
The four of us had a magical meeting - the chair had three years, three years of enthusiasm and gratitude. I nearly cried during the moment of silence with the symphony of bird song providing the soundtrack. I reflected on all of the odd little meetings I've been to over the years - the lone fellow on a lawn chair in Drake Park in Bend, OR during the pandemic, the few of us who sat on the stairs of the church for our home group when the secretary didn't show up with the key, the time four of us drove to our friend's family home in Montana, reciting How it Works then having a meeting on the road. In some meetings I see people I know and love. In others, I'm a stranger. Whichever it is, I so appreciate this way of life.
What is your relationship to the 9th Step Promises today? How about Step 6? Are you willing to make the effort to change whatever characteristic/defect/defense that still gets in your way? When is the last time you felt the enthusiasm of a newcomer? How might you reignite your program if it's been a while? On that note, today is Founder's Day, 91 years since Dr. Bob took his last drink. How can you express your gratitude for our program?
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Feeling like an inventory, or a deeper dive into your program? The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a table
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