I was invited to do an Alanon lead while there, with a focus on Tradition 10, no opinion on outside issues. On the surface, "obviously," thinking of religion and politics, but as I dug a bit deeper, I read how those outside issues are really anything outside my hula hoop, which seems to get smaller the longer I'm around! Dang it. But I have so many opinions and ideas! In the breakout circle after my share, a member said they have strong opinions about things they don't even care about. Whew! That certainly hit home. How often do I have an almost automatic response to something I know very little about, or that really doesn't concern me?! Judging by commentary on online posts, I'm not alone in that. One more time, the pause is invaluable.
We were very fortunate to host my best friend and his other best friend for the night as part of the return from his cross-country move of a few years ago. We had a little breakfast party before they headed out, with two friends joining who hadn't met the other bestie in real life. Like with our Bay Area pals, I'm gratified and grateful at the depth of relationships I've developed over zoom, all the sweeter when we can gather in person. We are people who normally would not mix, or more likely, would never have crossed paths were it not for recovery. And how sweet to share a meal with people I've now know for decades, including three of us who were in treatment together, and one I 12-stepped before she turned 21.
And isn't it funny, that term "best friend." When I was a kid, say 7th or 8th grade, that was a specific designation. I remember feeling hurt one day when my cousin announced that the person I thought was my best friend was now her best friend. We had a lot to learn about relationships in those days, and I suppose hurt feelings were part of the process. Many, many years later a different cousin told me how her feelings were hurt when I got my first serious boyfriend and she moved to second fiddle. It wasn't until I got sober that I learned how to truly be a friend, not just when it was convenient. not just one-sided, and that I can have multiple "best friends" as can my friends. And when I do feel left out, or jealous of other's relationships, I can remind myself that there is enough love, friendship and attention for us all. Isn't growing up wonderful (said only slightly sarcastically)? It might've been simpler when age appropriate, but so much more interesting (and sometimes painful) at an age I can be aware of what's going on inside me.
It's been a wonderful, though slightly hectic few weeks, with my car in the shop, travel, then home to furious housecleaning for our guests (apparently we should have company more often!), an NBA game, brunch with friends, and hubs back to work. In my working days, sometimes going back to the office felt like a rest after an active vacation. I am grateful for a full and rich life, and need to remember that it is the quiet days of routine that give texture to the whole of it.
How big is your hula hoop? What are some situations that could be considered an outside issue? Do you have a best friend? How does that feel different than when you were younger? How do you find or maintain balance between active and more passive pursuits?
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The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. Also, Barth Books and Gifts took a few workbooks back to Yakima, WA with them from Summerfest, if you're in the area
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