This has been a period of spiritual significance, from anniversaries of passings to celebrating new life, from walks on the beach to running in my neighborhood, from meetings and rich program connections out of town to a local women’s conference this weekend, all of which remind me of God’s grace. When I first got sober, I was deathly afraid of karma, of getting “what I deserved,” which would’ve been a public stoning, by my estimates. But, I did get what I deserve – a life that is “happy, joyous and free" (Big Book).  Not all days and in all ways, but overall, I am abundantly blessed with good health, strong relationships, and this way of life that allows me to both receive and give back what was so freely given to me.

At the conference this weekend, the woman who shared on Steps 2 & 3 had us close our eyes at one point to imagine all those people who’d prayed for us to get sober, and to thank them. As she pointed out, it wasn’t just family and loved ones. At the end of most of our meetings, we hold a “moment of silence for the still suffering alcoholic.” Were they saying that in meetings in 1984, and ’85 and ’86? Can I believe that it wasn’t just my mother and my cousins, my dear friends and my significant other that were wishing and hoping and praying that I would find health? Can I picture the positive energy emanating from those circles of people holding hands, and holding a vision of recovery in their minds? I can. I can, because I participate in that circle several times a week, literally 1,000’s of times over the years. In talking about prayer, and how we sometimes think we’re too busy, another speaker said, “Really? God saved your life and you don’t have 10 minutes to express your gratitude?” Word.

I’ve been paying attention to the natural world, to those subtle messages that are there if I keep my eyes open, not just to the physical realm, but to the spiritual as well. I live in a city, yet at home, and even in San Francisco, saw coyotes. Raccoon frequently cross my path on early morning runs. When I visited the cemetery over the weekend, four beautiful deer walked through our family site and on up the hill, and a week ago, I saw a doe and her fawn during my lunch time walk at work. Glorious. So, yes, animals in the city, going about the business of staying alive, and by pausing, I can step outside the concerns of my little mind to remember the bigger picture, and that "nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake" (Big Book, formerly p. 449).  I’ve learned that coyote is a trickster and transformer. Raccoons are a symbol of cleverness. Deer represent sensitivity, intuition and gentleness in Native American tradition; in Buddhism,  deer symbolize harmony, happiness, and peace.

I sometimes use the Runes to remind me of my true nature. I frequently pull the stone that suggests I strive to “live the ordinary life in a non-ordinary way” (The Book of Runes, R. Blum) .  My life is fairly ordinary – I go to work, make dinner, hit my meetings, etc, etc, and I can bring a spiritual, Higher Power focused lens to all that I do. Those little visits from Mother Nature remind me that there is way more to life than my “to do” list.

Years ago, a woman chaired a meeting on the topic, "What if God really is running the show?" Ha! What if? What if this Presence and Power that saved my life and has had me covered all these many years, continues to hold me in Her gentle arms? What if the part of me that twitches and wants to know what's next could simply take a deep breath and say, "Oh yeah. I'm not in charge." What a monumental relief, when I remember.

Speaking of God shots - a few weeks ago I had dinner before a meeting with a small group. After, at the meeting, one of the women came up and said, "I know you!" I replied, "Dude, we just had dinner together." She then told me that I'd been her counselor in 1995 when she was just 17. I totally remember her, and a funny thing she used to say. What a gift to connect in the rooms after such a long time. And then, this weekend, I spoke to a woman I've known vaguely, asking why she is Facebook friends with my cousins. "Because they're my cousins!" she said. So cool to connect the dots.

Miracles, small and big, are all around, if I but pay attention. Years ago, I heard Shakti Gawain, author of Creative Visualization, speak. She described this life as a beautiful bowl of fruit, but so often, we have our face stuck in the bowl, so don't recognize the wonder of it all. I remember that when I find myself focused on the three feet in front of my windshield, or barely notice when a squirrel runs by. As the Big Book says, God is either everything or God is nothing. Today, I choose everything.

Where do you see Higher Power, however you define that (Creative Intelligence, the still small voice, Universal Truth, Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Nature, etc)?  In the natural world? In your daily meditation book? In faces of people you love? Where can you create sacred space to inhabit the pause?