It struck me, as I've listened to others talk about their on-going ins-and-outs of the spiritual experience that maybe, perhaps, all that god-shot stuff I say I miss, happens when I'm vulnerable, open, and less invested in "my ideas," old or new. I think of times in early recovery when the right person showed up, or the letter came in the mail or the check appeared just when I needed it. I think of when my mother died, and there was her physician in the grocery store parking lot, sharing kind words (and never seen since), or when an important ex died and he was in my dream saying goodbye before I was told he'd passed. I think of the time I was out of work, withdrawing my application from one position but thinking about another, and the phone call that came just days later with the offer to apply for that job that I ended up retiring from.
Maybe this stuff happens often and I just don't notice, or chalk it up to coincidence. Maybe it's only when I'm grieving or scared or otherwise hammered down by life that I'm more receptive to serendipity, to viewing seemingly random events as Spirit saying, "Yeah, I'm here."
I do not pretend to be any sort of Christian, but I think of Teresa of Avila, who is reported to have levitated on more than one occasion. I think, "Well of course she did." Without television or radio or books or social media, etc etc etc to distract her, it makes sense that the spiritual energy she felt could lift her off the ground. Our world is so busy, with the near constant onslaught of information (if I so choose) that it makes sense that a bird's morning song, or the sand dollar on my beach path, or the phone call that comes just when I was thinking of my friend are barely noticed.
I am reminded again and again that "the spiritual life is not a theory." OK, so what does that mean in the course of my life? Paying attention, yes. Pausing when agitated, definitely. Many of my peers talk in meetings about their daily prayer to be of service. I have to admit I rarely say that prayer, for fear that it would inconvenience me. Yes, selfish and self-centered, with a bit of magical thinking thrown in. Think "la la la" with eyes closed and ears plugged. What I've learned over time is that if the universe wants my attention, it will get it, whether that is a service opportunity, or, say, losing a job that didn't fit anyway. And the truth is that I am of service in several different areas, but along with the "No!" voice is the whisper that it's never enough, that I should be doing more, that I should be more. Just for today, I can say, "Thanks for the input, but no thanks." Funny (as in odd, not ha ha) that the not-enough voice is still there. Not loud, and not always, but those tracks were laid early and deep.
The Big Book tells me that "lack of power" was my dilemma. Lack of power wasn't my dilemma, at least not by my thinking. My dilemma was that I needed to get high every minute of every day and a small handful of people told me I should stop. The thing is, all they said was "stop" without giving me an alternative. That's where you people come in. You didn't even tell me to stop, but said, "If you want to stop hurting, this is what I did." You offered a way out, and a way of life after the stopping. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
And thank you to the several who shared their appreciation for these weekly posts after last week's message about gratitude. These musings are a "must do" not a "have to." I'm happy to have an avenue for my feelings and opinions. Wishing you a pleasant and peaceful Thanksgiving.
What are your thoughts about the spiritual experience(s)? How do you make space so that you can notice the unexplainable? If the spiritual life is not a theory, how do you put that into practice? What do you do to acknowledge old ideas without giving them power? Again with the gratitude on this Thanksgiving eve (here in the US), what is on your list?
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Thinking of a year-end inventory or a holiday gift for a sponsee? I've just restocked my supply of the workbook "I've Been Sober a Long Time - Now What?" with 78 pages of topics, member's views, and processing questions. (See the Jan 13, 2023 post for a sample.) Available in PDF format ($12.95) for those of you outside the US (or who prefer that format) or hardcopy ($19.95 mailed to you). Email me at shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. You can order from the WEB VERSION of this page, payment link on top right. Note that the workbook is also available at Portland Area Intergroup at 825 NE 20th
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