We've entered what's often called the Bermuda Triangle for those of us impacted by the disease of alcoholism - Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year (for those with food issues, that would be extended to Halloween). Holidays can be a mixed bag - for me, this time of year is fun (food! friends! lights!) and fraught with bittersweet memories of holidays-past, as well as missing those no longer here.
I remember the early years, when simply getting through the holidays sober was a big deal (still is). For several years (5?) I threw a big New Year's Eve party, with dancing in the breakfast nook (minus table) and a meeting at midnight. Since my sober date is January 3rd, it felt good to reclaim the holiday and to add recovery events to my memory bank. One year, our local Alano Club's annual party was cancelled, and I quickly realized that many of those folks were now packed into my living room. That's about when I stopped the tradition, a bit uncomfortable that I didn't know half the people there!
Over the years, my holiday traditions have changed - what started as an "after-Thanksgiving" dinner for those who didn't have family turned in to a funny gift exchange with the home group which morphed into a small gathering of friends old and new. After my mother died, we stumbled along with deciding what traditions to keep and what to discard (though the first few years were tough - Christmas was her holiday), and for years now, my husband and I have gone to my bestie's home for a big and boisterous creole feast.
We do like to go to the Year-End Roundup in Seaside, OR - for me, it's about the beach, and the chance to hit a meeting in the town where I got sober, while my spouse is there for the speakers. I'm a morning person - would much prefer an early walk New Year's Day to staying up until midnight (years ago, a friend suggested "New Year in New York" which is 9pm here on the west coast - brilliant!). I'm grateful to know my rhythms these days, rather than the years I tried to fit others' internal preferences.
I do tend to think of the new year in spiritual terms, much like Solstice, which for twenty years now, I've marked with a women's meeting. I know that the calendar is simply an arbitrary marker of time, but I appreciate the deep breath of reviewing months just passing, and anticipating what is ahead. Always present is the memory of Christmas 1985, knowing I'd be going to treatment in a few days - scared, with the tiniest bit of hope that my life could be different. Even though that was a long time ago now, I can still feel the trepidation as well as the relief when the spinning top that was my addiction finally came to a stop.
Other than a few late-in-the-year early birds, my school classmates and I will turn70 in 2024. How very strange that sounds. There is a small handful I see regularly, and we have walked the gauntlet together and separately over the years. I've been contemplating a proper marker for this milestone year, and in a somewhat random conversation on another topic, recognized a fellow traveler who mentioned something I've long wanted to do myself. Nothing written in stone yet, but I'm appreciating the serendipity of being in the right place at the right time with a rightly opened mind. Like when I picked up the community college schedule that had been sitting on my desk for weeks, and it randomly opened to a writing class that seems right up my alley (zoom, 5 weeks, hopefully just enough to start my motivation engine). Suit up and show up and pay attention, remembering that messages rarely show up as skywriting or megaphone JEANINE THIS IS FOR YOU. Wouldn't that be nice??
And so, December fast approaches. Our outdoor lights are up, but I'm a traditionalist and won't turn them on until the first. I've had a few things cancel this week so am exhaling into the empty space, if not hibernating in the darkness, at least allowing the slow-down in a time when media pushes frenzy. I have choices today, to go with the flow and step off the escalator when the opportunity presents itself, or jump into the fray and then wonder why I feel stressed. Today I choose peace.
What holiday traditions feed your soul? If you are in a place of transition, how will you honor your heart while finding safe places to simply "be"? Where is serendipity showing up in your life today, via a random conversation, something you read, or a chance meeting?
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Thinking of a year-end inventory or a holiday gift for a sponsee? I've restocked my supply of the workbook "I've Been Sober a Long Time - Now What?" with 78 pages of topics, member's views, and processing questions. (See the Jan 13, 2023 post for a sample.) Available in PDF format ($12.95) for those of you outside the US (or who prefer that format) or hardcopy ($19.95 mailed to you). Email me at shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. You can order from the WEB VERSION of this page, payment link on top right. Note that the workbook is also available at Portland Area Intergroup at 825 NE 20th
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