in transit

As i started this entry, I was in the airport in Lisbon on my way to see good friends before the final leg home, drinking my 1st Starbucks in over 2 weeks. The coffee was too strong and the cookie slightly stale, but it felt like home, which really is one of my favorite parts of going away. 

I was told, " the Camino will carry you," and that was certainly true as I got up day after day to pound out 8, 13 or 15 miles.  But I will say that I was tired the final 2 days, facing each steep hill with, "Really?!" When I was getting the MRI at the beginning of my breast cancer diagnosis,  I was given a painted rock that says, "You are stronger than you think." It proved true then in the emotional department,  and true physically these last 2 weeks, much of which consisted of technical paths (steep, rocky, wet with rain). One foot in front of the other, stopping to catch my breath as needed.

No one ever did recognize the AA patch on my backpack, though near the end of the journey,  one of my new companions asked why I don't drink. I gave the very condensed version of my story, only to learn that her father and uncle died as the result of alcoholism.  We are everywhere,  directly or indirectly, in recovery or far from it. 

I'm not sure of your experience,  but once learning I'm sober, people ask if I'm bothered that they order a drink. I can appreciate their sensitivity,  but no. I truly have reached that place of neutrality, at least for today. And I do understand that lifting of the compulsion is a gift denied many. 

Stopping in DC to visit good friends,  I also had the opportunity to connect with a couple of other friends from my online groups and to attend an in-person meeting. I love connections over the years and over the miles. I went to treatment to get the heat off and stop hurting, with absolutely no idea that I'd end up with lifelong friends, an education, a career I enjoyed, a strong marriage - essentially the "keys of the kingdom."

And now, re-entry, as I do my best to remain mindful of Camino energy, taking each day as it comes. I see some inventory in my future as I further process all that occurred these past few weeks, continuing to ask myself, "Are you a tourist or a pilgrim?" 

How would describe the gifts of recovery,  your keys of the kingdom? Have there been times that "You are stronger than you think" has played out in your life? How do the tools of recovery help you remember that?

flexibility

Here I am with now two more days of walking followed by three nights in Santiago before heading back to the US. It has definitely been an adventure of putting one foot in front of the other with some fun and inspiring conversations along the way with people I will likely never see again. I am grateful for this common bond, however temporary.

I am the kind of person who likes to know the lessons of life while I am still in the middle of class. Years ago, when applying for my Master's program, the advisor said that many schools will give you a set plan but their idea was to give the individual a map to find our own way. That is kind of like the Camino, although we do have specific instructions which may or may not be factual, as a couple of times we've ended up on a tougher, hillier path than expected. Oh well, here we are today. Before leaving home, I realized part of my lessons had to do with trust, as in trust myself, and trust the planning. Along the way,  I've come to understand my state of mind is about surrendering to the moment, whether raining or hot, power outage or hungry - whatever the day may bring. For me, also, a lesson has been around flexibility. On Saturday,  with a long 18 miler planned and rain in the forecast, we decided to skip the walk and take transport to the next town. A friend asked, "Isn't that cheating?" but it really is "your Camino,  your way." There is a requirement that one must walk the last 100 km into Santiago to earn the official completion certificate, and that is the plan, one step at a time. 

We plan, and the gods laugh, with my companion falling over the weekend, cutting their Camino short. One just never knows. I have now had a ride in the back of an ambulance for the 1st time, and have seen the workings of a Spanish ER, grateful for kindness and good care. The gods laugh, indeed as this turn of events was certainly not anticipated. 

And the beat goes on. After discussion, it was decided I would carry on, completing in spirit for both of us. Me, who loves adventure but rarely, rarely travels alone, now on my own, fears of getting lost swirling in my brain. But, as Mr Rogers would've said, "Look for the helpers." A conversation at breakfast resulted in my being invited to tag along with a group of delightful folks from around the globe, and so, I carry on. 

One of my new friends suggests setting a word of intention for the day.  Yesterday I chose "bravery." She pointed out that bravery is on the continuum with fear - if I didn't have fear, there'd be no need to be brave. Today my intention was "endurance."

And so, I've walked up very steep coastal hills and wooded paths with new friends,  and have wandered in cities on my own for laundry and food, facing my fear of getting lost. And wouldn't you know it, even with Google maps, I did get lost (darned round-abouts) and a very kind senora walked me to my hotel with a pilgrim blessing. Helpers abound.

People on the Way aren't necessarily talking about their reasons for walking,  but the underlying question is, "Am I a tourist or a pilgrim?" A little of both, I'd say, as I've thoroughly enjoyed the sights as well as appreciating contemplative moments. So, my life lessons this week have been around trust, always, and about asking for and accepting help. Onward!

How hard or easy is it for you to ask for help? Do you recognize helpers when they appear? How do you integrate your spiritual life with the everyday, and are they actually separate?