I don't consider myself agnostic, but I do appreciate a lot of what is published on the weekly AA Agnostica page (substack).This last week (1/4/26), guest author Paul Pellet compared our alcoholic recovery to the classic hero's journey, noting that not much in AA is actually new, but draws on wisdom from many sources. Joseph Campbell also wrote about the hero's journey and how we all have times in our lives that take us on a archetypal path.
The first part of the journey is about separation, leaving the known, not sure of what lies ahead. That was certainly true for me - I understood that how I was living wasn't working, so took a leap of faith by turning my will and my life over to a treatment program, having no idea what a sober life could be.
Next comes the liminal state, the in-between where we've let go of the old but haven't quite grasped the new - the monkey bar analogy a past therapist used where I've let go of one rung, momentarily in mid-air. For me, this was the scary but exhilarating time of discovery, of following direction because I didn't have any better ideas, the "take what you like and leave the rest" adventure to see what worked for me.
And then we return - to our daily lives, jobs, family, etc, now able to guide others through the process, with rites and rituals in the sharing of our stories.
I've long appreciated the ritual aspect of our program. I can be in any meeting,, anywhere, and find comfort in the cadence of the Steps (even if I don't speak the language), the knowing that the meeting will follow a general, recognizable format. Even if I'm not actively listening, I can feel safe with the rhythm of the process.
And that feeling of safety can often lead to tears, like in my Alanon meeting when the mere act of sitting in the circle brought tears to the surface as I thought about my brother and loss and the passage of time. I'd just visited with him after he'd been to pick up his wife's cremains and saw his attorney to adjust his will and financial intentions. As I sat with him, I could feel the family dynamic of not sitting still urging me to cut the conversation short. Why? I had nowhere else to be, other than being a support to him, listening to this man who isn't very social (an understatement) and now lives alone for the first time in decades. As Lila R said in her new year talk, pause, pray, proceed and sometimes the "proceed" means holding still.
I'm usually involved with my walking group on Saturday mornings, but we're on break until mid-February, so enjoyed the open space that let me attend a meeting that several friends like. The topic was related to identity, and how that (potentially) changes once we're sober. The discussion made me think of my cousin, who asked his sister, "When did Jeanine get a personality?" when I was a few years into recovery. Drinking and drugging me was either in the corner, trying to be invisible, or metaphorically dancing on the table tops. The true "me" is somewhere in-between. As a social introvert, I can hold my own at a party or meeting, but am usually very happy to get back to a cup of tea at home.
Someone asked themselves the question, "What did I want to be when I grew up?" Though I'd never thought of it before, my immediate, internal answer was Pippi Longstocking - adventurous, independent, imaginative and joyful. When I was little, I had a recurring dream that I was in the Navy, in charge of uniforms and supplies before we set sail. I loved that dream - my own nighttime movie - and often went to sleep hoping to go there again. I also wanted to be a pioneer, like the Sager children who continued on the Oregon trail after both their parents died.
Obviously I'm not a fictional character, and a century or so too late to be a pioneer, but what is it about those early wishes that might speak to me today and/or has informed my choices over the years? I'm not intrepid in a risk-taking sense, but I've had many grand adventures in many places I'd only read about or seen in a film. An ex could never understand my spending money on travel, preferring to have something tangible in hand. I'd rather have the memory, the experience of a shared smile with a stranger or a conversation with someone who wanted to practice their English. I think Pippi would want to come along.
How has the Hero's Journey played out in your life and recovery? Might you be on that path today in some form or another? What did you want to be, or do, when you were a kid? Has any of that played out in the here and now, whether you work life, social life or ???
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Time for a new year inventory? The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a table.
