When we understand that each day isn't one more day but one less, we'll start giving more value to the things that truly matter. (FB/BuddhismPage)
I've been thinking about the whole Pippi Longstocking thing since she popped into my mind - attempting to channel her positive and inquisitive nature on my morning walks, for example. How might she view the world, vs my sometimes cranky outlook born of my HALTS being out of whack?
I so often read about how in retirement transition or lifestyle changes, one can look back to what they wanted to do as a child for clues to the "now what?" question. My concrete brain thought they meant specifics, like "I've always wanted to be a concert pianist" or "I wish I'd worked as a florist" etc. and I didn't have that. I'd wanted to write a book (check - Shadows & Veins, available online), I wanted to be a secretary out of admiration for my aunt's glamorous wardrobe (I've done my share of clerical work, with or without nice clothes); I wanted to be a teacher (much of my work in treatment involved teaching). But I didn't go through life wishing I was sitting at a different desk. I came from a fairly average middle class family (if average includes alcoholism) and had fairly average, if modest, dreams.
And then there's Pippi, or her cousin, Ms. Wanderlust, though my version always includes coming home. Maybe that piece of looking to our younger dreams for direction has more to do with attitude and orientation. Maybe it's more about "how do I want to be" vs "what do I want to do?" And OMG, how long has it taken me to get that?? Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
The re-siding construction project on our house was supposed to wrap up after three weeks of incessant banging, us with window shades drawn, and cats under the bed, but wouldn't you know it, a big chunk of rotted wood was discovered. Groan... Time and money and the joys of being a homeowner. And trusting that it all works out. I suppose we could ignore it, or I could worry and fret, or... I can be an adult and know that stuff happens.
The Project Manager teased my spouse and I, commenting that big home projects are often a source of consternation for couples. Ah yes, another f***ing growth opportunity for two sometimes bossy people. However, a long-term marriage is sort of like long-term recovery - we are quicker to recognize our personal triggers, own our part and move on. Team work makes the dream work.
In addition to my regular journal, I have a small 5-year volume I picked up at the start of my cancer treatment, now three years ago. Each day, one is to simply make a brief note of the day's events. Wouldn't you know it, exactly one year ago, I wrote about de-cluttering my desk, which is what I did this week. OK, some things need to be done periodically, but how long am I going to write about decluttering before I feel satisfied I've done it? If I shift my mind set to "one less day" and can do so without panic, I can focus on what I say matters. So, a clean desk doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but leaving my papers in such a way to be less hassle for those left behind does. (An early supervisor once said, "Always leave your desk as if you'll be hit by a truck tonight." A scary thought, but I can tell you it was no fun cleaning up after someone who left the workplace abruptly, with files buried in a bottom drawer or a drawer full of opened snacks in another.) Borrowing from Marie Kondo, as I go through various closets or look at shelves, I am asking, "Do I use this?" and/or "Does it spark joy?" or is it just something that I've held on to for no reason whatsoever? Maybe it had meaning at one time, but if I can't remember what that was, into the donation box it goes.
That makes my think of my mother, an Avon Lady for decades. As a top seller, she had a collection of prize figurines. At one point, someone offered her $200 for one, so she, and we, thought we were sitting on a gold mine. A year or so after she passed, I put in a call to her former manager and was told, "Oh honey, nobody wants those dust-catchers anymore. You'd be lucky to get $5 or $10." Which reinforces my motto, "Later is now!" So, wear the pearls (that no jeweler wants to buy), use the good dishes (that no relatives want), read the "maybe someday" books (or add them to a local kiosk).
What does all this have to do with long-term sobriety? Life on life's terms stuff, practicing the principles, doing my best to stay in today and determine what really matters. One more day, or one less? It's all about perspective.
With long term recovery, is how you want to be in the world congruent with how you are most days? What are the growth opportunities that are coming up for you this week? Are there things, adventures, books, projects, etc that you're saving for later? Is later now for some of that?
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Time for a new year inventory? The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a table.
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