My spouse shared on Step 7 at a speaker meeting this week, and 7 will be the focus of my next sponsor meeting, so I'm thinking about "humbly asked" for our defects/unhelpful characteristic/defenses to be removed.
The higher power that I don't understand does not sit on a cloud with a magic wand, waving my annoying characteristics away. If/when I'm truly inhabiting Step 7 related to a particular way of being, it is very likely that said habit or behavior will be in my face, almost daring me to do the same old thing, or shift my response even 2 or 3%. Awareness, being awake and conscious of how I am in the world is the first component of change. though I can't change based on self-knowledge alone. I also can't change what I don't accept. If I am fighting a particular part of my personality, it is the fight that gets the energy and psychic attention. What might happen if I said, "Ah, here I am again acting impulsively" or judging or whatever it is that comes up? If, as the 7th Step prayer says, "I'm now willing that you have all of me," might that be an acknowledgement of my humanness?
The Alternative 12-Steps (M. Cleveland and Arlys G) describes Step 7 as "Work honestly, humbly and courageously to develop our assets and to release our personal shortcomings." To me, "release" is gentle, progress not perfection, one decision at a time - which always comes back to the "pause." Pause ... and beware of the seemingly automatic.
I had the beginning of a funky day last week, setting out to pick up one of my regular cancer patients for her treatment, only to discover a flat tire. Sigh. A flurry of phone calls and texts to let her know, and to get roadside assistance, limping to the tire store for a 2 hour wait, and eventually back into my plans and designs for the day. When working, I used to pause in the parking lot and say, "I wonder how my agenda will be disrupted today?" knowing that it would, because people are people, both staff and clients. I could continue that practice as a retired person. Usually, my days are fairly predictable, and then... And then, in the grand scheme of things, I have a safe place to sleep and enough to eat; people I love and who love me back; my health and my sobriety. As we ask in Alanon, "How important is it?"
"How important is it?" implies that there are things that matter, Do I allow myself to get quiet in the midst of a frenzy to determine whether I'll be concerned with the particular snafu/worry in 2 years, 2 months, or even 2 weeks? I've mentioned here before that I was instructed to open my "god box" every few years, noting what took care of itself and what is no longer a problem. I'm about due for that process, but will say that the last time I did it, I couldn't even remember some of the thing I'd written down.
I'm assuming the disruption of the house-siding project will fit in that category, eventually. There are a few small jobs that need doing, but overall, we're done until painters come when the weather warms up. My spouse and I are both creatures of habit, and those habits have been mightily disrupted, with pounding and drilling, sleeping in the guest room, furniture moved around, cats showing their own dis-ease... And, today, all is well, all is quiet.
Speaking of quiet, I ran into our neighbor/homeowner - their rental next door to us has been empty for a few weeks as they make repairs and decide whether to sell or rent again, noting that there was 1800 pounds of trash hauled away. Wow. I'm sure for them, but for us too, it's been a challenge, with roommates coming and going (with and without notifying the rental agent), dogs barking for literally hours whilst their person was away, people here today and replaced the next. I chalk much of it up to urban living, and, there again, stability matters on this street with families, school age kids, and early risers (that would be me), Definitely Serenity Prayer territory - what, if anything is in my control? Not much, other than perhaps reaching out to the new tenants when they move in. It's a lot easier to say, "Please be quiet" or "can you adjust your parking a few feet" to someone I have even a tiny relationship with, rather than in the heat of the moment if we've never talked. How important is it? And, let it begin with me. Also, stay in the day! Right now the house is empty. Anticipating is not helpful.
Yesterday would've been my mom's 100th birthday. In honor of that, I took myself to a local cemetery, to visit the Wind Phone, a sort of arty, sort of woo-woo installation - a little open faced structure with an old fashioned pay phone inside - hooked up to nothing, going nowhere, but a real phone to dial the first number I ever memorized. I cried a little, and laughed a little, and told Mom what I'd been up to, though in my belief system, she'd already know all that. It was sweet, and then I drove to the gas station, carrying on with my day. Grief is more a familiar companion these days, vs the acute loss of early months. Time does heal - if not completely, at least the jagged edges are smoothed.
In the midst of an upset, how do you get quiet in order to hear your inner voice of reason? What comes up when you're aware of/practicing Step 7? Where might you apply "How important is it?" today? How have you made friends with your grieving? How can the Steps help that process?
(If interested, search "Wind Phone near me" for one in your area. This started in Japan, but they are in many different locations these days)
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Time for a new year inventory? The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a table
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