Self care...

As time goes on, I am convinced that self-care is the key to my serenity. The AA Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, in Step 10, tells us that "It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." Ouch. But honestly, quite often, that "something wrong" with me is that I am tired, or hungry, or haven't been taking care of my needs for fellowship or solitude, or plain old R&R. I can say for a fact that I like you and my life circumstances a lot better when I've had enough sleep.

When we enter recovery we learn about H.A.L.T. - don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, each of which can be triggers to reach for some sort of relief, usually the bottle or the bag.  I thought I knew about self-care - heck, I'd quit smoking even before I quit drinking, and most days I'd have a protein shake and a handful of vitamins before my first shot of methamphetamine. In actuality, I had to learn to pay attention to my individual cues and respond appropriately.  Tired? Take a nap; not drink a lot of coffee. Hungry? Eat something nutritious, not a candy bar. In early recovery I finally figured out that I don't do well when I'm hungry - my hands shake, I don't think straight, I get lightheaded. What a relief to know what was wrong, and what to do about it - kind of like alcoholism. Name it, claim it, tame it...

Self care also applies to my emotional state. When I've convinced myself to keep quiet when all would be better served by speaking up, I am not being true to myself or to you. I don't do it too often, but when I say "yes" when I really mean "no," we both suffer by my acting from a place of resentment. Again, and always, it comes back to the "pause."  Take a breath. There is no hurry. As I've heard, if it is a good idea right now, it will still be a good idea in an hour, or a day.

Speaker Lila R. says that my best gift to you is to take care of me. Amen to that. Get enough sleep, get enough meetings, detach from workplace drama, go for a walk. The actual list probably looks a bit different for each of us, and is one of the gifts of long term recovery. I know what works for me today. I start my morning with a cup of tea and my daily readers, usually followed by a run. I end the day with a brief meditation, some stretching, and a couple of evening readers, and cut myself some slack the next day when the cats wake me in the middle of the night (let's hear it for naps). Self care is a goal that calls for adjustments on a day-to-day basis, though the basics are the same.

I think of self care as both a journey and a destination. What is your practice and how do you know when you are on track, or off?