I was invited this week to talk with a group of young social work students from Belfast, Ireland about 12 Step recovery, so called "mutual aid" groups (as distinguished from "self-help" - if we could've helped ourselves, believe me, we would have!).

Near the end of my presentation, a young woman asked why AA has remained the same over the years - why there have been no changes based on current scientific research into addiction. I left feeling like I hadn't done my job very well if she thought that AA was treatment for alcoholism, although I do think that is often how it comes across. Going to AA helps me stay sober, but it is both more and less that "treatment." 12 Step recovery is about filling the empty space that is left when we stop ingesting substances. It is about learning healthy coping skills, like changing our behavior and making amends when we cause harm or hurt feelings. It is about gaining self-awareness and identifying patterns (of thoughts or behaviors) that keep us from moving forward. It offers a path to healing. It is about God, however one defines that concept.

The Big Book tells us that its purpose is to help us find a Power greater than ourselves that will solve our problem, our problem being the drink. That's not scientific, but it is real - ask anyone who goes from falling down drunk to a life of recovery. I clearly remember a woman named Ann looking around the meeting room when I was newly sober saying, "I hate to break it to you, but this is about God" and how that made me nervous, not because I had a particular beef with the idea of a god, but because I had no idea what a personal relationship with a higher power could be. In my mind, god meant restrictions - the list of "thou shalt nots..."  - and my behavior during my addictions was full of the "no, you shouldn't but yes you just did."

My idea of god/God/Creator, and my relationship with same, has most definitely changed over the years, from the Santa Claus God of early sobriety to focused exploration of different faith paths, to what today feels like a comfortable friendship. As I was told early on, if I could explain God, I wouldn't need it, so somewhere along the line I was able to give up the quest to define what is indefinable.

Today I hear God in the stories of hope in my meetings. I see God in the sunrise, or my step daughter's enthusiasm for life. I feel God when I sit quietly during my morning meditation time, or when I hold my spouse's hand as we connect at day's end. And without recovery, I'd miss each and every opportunity to be aware of the presence of a power greater than myself working in my life and the lives of others.

I didn't have a great answer for the young woman who wondered why AA didn't change with the times. The pat answer is that "if it works, don't fix it." The bigger answer is that my relationship with 12 Step recovery on a personal level is ever evolving and changing, and will continue to do so as long as I remain open and teachable.

How is your relationship with a god of your understanding different than it was when you first got sober? How do you stay open to the evolving nature of faith?