It is blog day, and yet another national tragedy has taken place. I don't want to write about yet another national tragedy where too many lost their lives. I am not putting my head in the sand (talk to me offline if you want to know how I feel and what I think) but today I want to write about friendship.

I had dinner the other evening with two lovely women from my home group. It was fun - eating guacamole, talking politics and program, our past lives and what we're up to today. I hope to do it again. I am consciously expanding my repertoire.

As a kid, friends were based on proximity - with those who lived on the block or around the corner. My cousins fit that too - they lived down the hill, an exhilarating bike ride away, or a good long walk, and our folks were often together on weekends - built in besties! In high school, grade school allegiances shifted and I gravitated towards the drinkers and stoners, the park-rats. The year after graduation, I got married, and inherited several friends-of-convenience - the wives of my husband's pals. At the time, I secretly planned my perfect life, which included a garden for tomatoes, going to college, and choosing my own friends. (I got that, exactly, after getting sober, and one of those friendships-initially-of-convenience-that-grew-into-sisterhood survived, thrived and continues.)

And then - SOBRIETY! Wow. Who were all these people? As the book says, normally we would not mix, but man, they were interesting. Back then, we ran in packs - in our late twenties and early thirties, we road-tripped to meetings and conferences, traveled together at home and abroad (always hitting meetings along the way). We went dancing - the AA disco dances that were so fun in the 80's, as well as out to the clubs - safety in numbers! We jogged and hiked and rode bikes together, and once took a volleyball game into a prison. We sat with each other and cried over break-ups, and were cheerleaders for that new job. Life and these friendships were amazing and joyful and included everything I'd looked to the bottle to fulfill.

And, time marches on. Over time, we paired up or moved away, and adult priorities took the place of dancing every weekend. We got real jobs or went back to school, and catching a 10 pm movie on a weeknight was no longer realistic. Email often took the place of phone calls, and then texting took the place of both. And here we are, in late middle-age, with aging or dying parents, grand-kids, or kids in college, stressful jobs or getting ready to retire. In early recovery, everything was about said recovery, and we either overlooked or didn't even talk much about political or values differences. Some of those differences have surfaced as we've grown from exploring into becoming who we truly are, and what was similar 20 years ago may not feel the same today.

I have several dear friends who I can go months without talking to, only to take up where we left off. But, generally speaking, friendships require attention. A couple of years ago I was feeling particularly lonely. Recently married, my schedule had shifted as I adjusted, with pleasure, to the life I share with my spouse. My regular meetings changed, as did time spent with friends. And then my mother entered hospice - another shift of time and priority. Coming through that, slowly and painfully, I realized that I'd developed a bad habit of going a week or more without talking, really talking, to anyone other than my husband, people I supervise, or people I sponsor. The well was running dry. I made a commitment to actually speak (in person or on the phone) with at least one friend per week - no texting, and email didn't count. I felt better - imagine that.

I am grateful for the friends that I travel with, the friends that I eat with, the friends that I laugh and cry with. I am grateful for shared histories, and new discoveries of commonalities. I am grateful for love that transcends differences of opinion or of politics. I know that I am in good company for this journey into the next phase of our development.

So, there was another horrible national tragedy this week. I can grieve with my husband, and talk with certain friends. I can get in touch with my step-daughter and her mother, just to send love. I can remember to let people know when I appreciate them. I can tend to my friendships, old and new.

Who do you want to reach out to this week?