Solstice reflections

I'll be participating in a women's meeting on Solstice this week, the general theme being a reflection on the year past and the identification of anything (trait, habit, old idea) that we want to leave in the old year, along what we may want to manifest in the new.

I've reviewed my journal, noting the high points and the low - wrestling this defect or that, loss and laughter and love, and wonder at both nature's beauty and her wrath. Overall, on a personal level, it's been a good year as I've fully stepped in to being alive and in recovery longer than I was alive under the influence of alcoholism (the family illness and my own).

In years gone by, thoughts of what to let go of would've come unbidden - sometimes I felt like a walking, talking defect of character. I still have "stuff," for sure. For example, I want to increase my mindfulness of my relationship to time - my self-imposed sense of time-urgency that can cause me to feel overwhelmed. I also have a writing project that I want to complete in the new year, and I'm moving closer to retirement. But, or rather, "and" I have moved - I have been moved to a place of quiet contentment, towards myself and my circumstances. The full title of my blog is "I've Been Sober a Long Time - Now What?" Well, what if "now what?" isn't the question after all. What if "now what?" is simply "now?"

Watching a 17 year old girl and a 19 year old boy get ready for a day out over the weekend made me think of how my priorities have shifted. Leaving home used to require full make-up and the right ensemble. These days, my main concern is whether or not my shoes are comfortable. (I recall a rare flash of foresight in my 20's, wondering when I'd make the shift from cute shoes to sensible - it wasn't soon enough.)

As I write this, I'm glancing at Celebration of Life programs for two of my three friends who died this fall, propped up on my bedroom altar. Last Solstice, no one would've predicted that this year would be the last for them. Seeing their photos during my morning prayer and meditation time reminds me that life is short. Perhaps that is what I want to manifest in the new year - a heightened awareness of the precious nature of life and relationships.

We are in the darkest week, here in the northern hemisphere. How will you welcome back the light? How will you be the light for others?