Finding our way around each other in the kitchen was one of the biggest hurdles my husband and I faced when newly married. He moved in with me, and I was accustomed to doing things a certain way - the right way.

It seems to me that part of acclimating to a new relationship is vying for territory - both emotional and physical: time alone and time together, who sleeps on which side of the bed, how to practice self care while attending to each other - it can take time to figure out what's mine, what's yours, and what is ours to work on together.

So back to the kitchen. For the 7 years I'd lived in my home alone, I heated the teapot on the large front burner on the stove. It was easy, and more importantly, was how I'd always done it ("always" being a relative term). My dear, new spouse was often in the kitchen when I was making tea, and the scalding pot was sometimes in the way. He'd ask me to move the teapot, which I thought ridiculous. The teapot goes on the front burner. You should be the one to move.

One morning, when we were having the same "discussion" as to the proper placement of the teapot, it struck me like a bolt of lightening - there is a second big burner on the back of the stove, Jeanine. Move the teapot. Peace prevailed. I have to laugh, now, at how entrenched I was in my way being the right way, and how simple the solution - just move the f***ing teapot.

I am a cat person. Nothing against dogs - my parents' first child was a Cocker Spaniel named Cindy - but other than an ill-fated puppy who dug up the neighbor's prize roses and ended up at "the farm," I've had cats, one incarnation after another: Spooky I - IV, Whiskers I, II and III, with a Tina, a Pepper and a Tiger thrown in. Said cats have always slept on the bed with me. It's cozy, and comforting, and with the current configuration, maddening, as the two of them stage Kitty Olympics at 3 AM more nights than not.

How many mornings did we grouse about the cats waking us up in the middle of the night as they chased each other across the bed and back again? Darned cats! And then, a few weeks ago, like with the teapot, I thought "enough!" and started shutting the bedroom door while we sleep. For the first few nights, the little darlings did scratch at the door, tiny paws reaching under in an effort to get in. But then they stopped, and now we sleep through the night. A miracle? No, a decision.

Good grief. Where else might I be holding on to ideas, behaviors, or habits that with a wee bit of self-examination might be better released to the Universe? It's the old "do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" question. Where am I convinced that I am Right (with a capital "R")? How It Works in the Big Book tells us that we need to let go of old ideas. The problem with that is that they are my old ideas, which can make them hard to see as dysfunctional.

Inventory, whether Step 4 or 10, outside help, sponsorship, and the importance of having people in my life who'll "call me on my BS" are vital components of my ongoing commitment to spiritual growth. I recently talked with a dear friend about something that was troubling me. Within minutes, because of our long and trusting relationship, he gave me feedback that was affirming and spot on. I don't need to tell him the entire story, because he's lived some of it with me. Which isn't to say that I don't get important input from people who don't know me - sometimes a detached view is just what I need. The point here is to ask.

So, as I revel in sleeping the night through (with only myself, caffeine, and my waning hormones to blame if I don't) I consider where else I might be holding on to old ideas. A clue for me are the ones I feel most passionate about, the areas where I feel justified and righteous. Thank you, Higher Power, for the gift of time, which is not a tool, but does allow enough distance to say to myself, "Really?"

Where do you find yourself holding on to old ideas or habits? Is there somewhere that an inventory, or a talk with a sponsor or trusted other might help?

Happy Vernal Equinox to those of us in the northern hemisphere. Loving spring's blooms, I await warmer days...