I read a great opinion piece in the Sunday NYT a couple of weeks ago, called "Baby Boomers Reach the End of Their To-Do List" by P. Hampl (link below). It's about priorities shifting as we age, what she describes as the distinctly American "battle between striving and serenity."  I think we recovering folks know all about striving for serenity - NOW!

I am increasingly aware of being in transition from a mind-set of striving to simply being, and it's slightly uncomfortable. Who will I be without my job description? What will I do with my days if I have nowhere I'm supposed to be? Will I get lazy, or depressed? What will the end of my to-do list look like (although I have a feeling I'll still make lists).

I've been in a good place lately, though I ask myself if I am resting on my laurels, or merely reaping the rewards of many years of internal healing work. We are taught to be ever vigilant for selfish, self-centered motives, for complacency or resentments. How will that fit with a more relaxed way of being in the world?  I'm coming to believe that the vigilance needn't be a tight-fisted beating, but perhaps the gentle awareness that comes with the self-knowledge gained in the course of our inventories.

Years ago, a therapist gave me the image of a kid on the monkey bars - there is a moment when I've let go of one bar, but haven't quite grasped onto the next. That moment is the space of transition, the letting go of the old without a real hold on the new. It goes back, again and again for me, to being comfortable with not knowing, to greeting the future, one day at a time, with hopeful expectation rather than insisting on (the illusion of) certainty. My same-age friends and I are talking about retirement. What will it be like to live without a required schedule? Typing that, I think "awesome!" but I also know that I am task-oriented, so it will definitely require an adjusted perspective.

The shift is already occurring. I did not apply for the vacant job one-up from my current position. In the space on my performance eval that asks where I see myself in five years, I now write, "retired." I'm starting to prepare my number two guy for a likely move up. I'm making a list of things I might like to do, when time is not such an issue...

As a tail-end baby boomer, everything I'm feeling and experiencing has already been felt and written about, and probably made into a movie. The good news about that is that there are books to read, and podcasts to listen to about getting older. The bad news is that I truly am not unique, although my feelings are my feelings and are new to me. It's kind of like being in early sobriety, when the old timer would pat you on the head and say, "You're right where you're supposed to be," which was both annoying and comforting. Oh. I'm not alone. There is a path to follow. And the truth is, I have never been here before. I'll keep listening to, and watching those who have gone before, while knowing that, deep within, I am on my own grand adventure.

Has your internal or external "to do" list shifted as you've gained time in recovery, and on the planet? 




https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/04/14/opinion/sunday/baby-boomers-to-do-list.html