Showing up

 This past week I've been to two very small in-person meetings - five at one and four at another. Some of it may be summer - after a heatwave (though nowhere near what the rest of the US is getting), we're having lovely days, days where sitting in a church basement at noon doesn't sound appealing. That's just my guess - who knows?  I was told at the four-person group, a Monday-Friday meeting, that Tues and Thurs are Steps and Traditions, so fewer people attend.

Wow is what I'd say to that. Sure, Tradition meetings aren't the most exciting, but like most meetings, shares generally revert to "What's going on with me today is...." What I think, in both instances, is that the pandemic changed so much. Yes, we/I like person-to-person contact, but how convenient to simply turn on the computer, or prop up the smartphone and connect to a meeting, or just decide not to go. 

A newcomer with 86 days was at the five-person group. Imagine if two or three of us had said, "Oh, it's way too nice out to go to the meeting," or the dreaded precursor to complacency, "I don't need a meeting." That "need" is different in long-term recovery. At the beginning, I needed meetings - to occupy my time for an hour, to surround myself with other sober people, to hear something that would carry me until the next meeting (which might've been later that same day). These days, the needs are similar, but less intense (I almost said less life-and-death but that isn't really true. I have a lot to lose were I to drink again, and meetings, for me, are part of my daily reprieve):  connect with my peers, be reminded of what it was like, to be an example for the newer person, to hear the message of recovery from someone outside my own brain, to build on the new ideas concept that keeps shifting and changing as I do. What I also know is that I can't work the 12th Step all alone. I don't generally sponsor new women - my sponsees all have double-digit sobriety - but I carry the message by showing up, sharing my phone number, and, what was so important to me when new, remembering people's names when they come back. 

Thinking about Step 7 in this month of July - the "humbly asked" part...  I can get caught up in the "who am I asking, and for what exactly?" particulars, but as Richard Rohr noted in a recent post, it is the asking that is important. Like when we reach for the tools laid at our feet - I can't will myself to change or figure out how to be different all on my own, but it is in the reaching, and asking, that I demonstrate the humility of "I don't know." That takes me to the sponsorship thing. At 38+ years and having worked with my current sponsor for a number of years now, I have a general idea of what it is I need to do in any given situation. But it is in the asking, the email or text, or picking up that heavy phone, where the healing begins. Yeah, I have some answers, but not all the answers. Yeah, I'm pretty centered most days, but pretty self-centered on others. And isn't it funny that when I contacted my sponsor this week about something that was bugging me, she said, "There are no coincidences - me too!"

Friends and I are celebrating our 70th birthday year this coming weekend, in the park where many of us drank and smoked pot during high school. I'm expecting anywhere from 15 - 30, though what sobriety has taught me is that just the right people will be there and it doesn't do much good to fret. I've done the footwork (made the playlist, sent out the invites and reminders) and the results are out of my hands. I'm just tripping on the fact that I've know many of these people since I was 9 years old, and that we are turning 70, which is not at all how I anticipated being "old" to feel. One day at a time, one birthday at a time. 

If you are a meeting go-er, how does that work for you? Do you have "do or die" groups, or are you more of a drop-in person? What keeps you coming back? If you aren't a meeting person, or if you are, how do the principles of the 12 Steps guide your life?

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The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or hard copy mailed to you).. Please contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. And a reminder that the workbook, is available at the Portland Area Intergroup at 825 NE 20th. for local folks.