Legacy

 A good friend has suggested I write about legacy, as in, what do we leave behind, who remembers us and what impressions do they have, along with the big one, "How important is it that we are remembered?" Philosophers and great thinkers through the ages have contemplated that one. We're the only species that thinks about being remembered - the human ego on full display. Does it matter to anyone but me and maybe their loved ones that I speak about my AA forebearers (like Leonard C and Norm B)? Once all my worldly possessions are disposed of in one way or another, does it really matter if people remember me? In theory, I won't know. Maybe it's that whole piece of wanting to have mattered in some way - the existential question of the meaning of life. I didn't reproduce, or write the Great American Novel. I didn't cure cancer or fix any social ills. I do hope that my actions have left the world just a wee bit better, through my profession or my interactions... And, as I contemplate my upcoming 40th anniversary (no fronts!), would it be so bad to be remembered as someone who gave great parties? 

While noting the long and important life of Dr. Jane Goodall, I was reassured by something she is reported to have said  - There is either nothing, or something after death. If nothing, then nothing and it is done. If something (and she believes so), she looks forward to the adventure of finding out.

Psychologist Erik Erikson's theory of human development described middle adulthood as a time of "Generativity vs Stagnation" when people create or nurture things that will outlast them with late adulthood (65 - death) as the time of Integrity vs Despair, when we, in theory anyway, reflect on our lives with either acceptance or regret. I very definitely have fewer regrets today than I would've before sobriety. I do sometimes contemplate if there is anything I'd regret not having done when the end comes. Not a "bucket list" per se, but more about a way of being.

I am thinking more and more about the end - probably fairly normal "as we age" (and why is it so often much younger doctors who use that phrase?!). I've taken to pointing things out to my spouse, with an "If I go first____" lead in. I used to tell my mom that I didn't want any lingering illness from her. It had been so painful watching my father die, compounded by this non-talkative man having had his larynx removed due to tobacco related cancer. With my mother, as excruciating the long-good bye was (she was on hospice over 8 months), it was good being able to say all that needed to be said, and start at least thinking about the business end of things. And, we don't get to choose, unless of course, we do, and that's a whole 'nother topic.

And, today is today. I can plan ahead, whether for the next trip or the final one, while being firmly planted in the here and now. I've re-started a meditation practice, using guided imagery, which helps me focus. On Sunday, I walked a half-marathon (13.1 miles) on a glorious fall day here in Portland, chatting with folks along the way, eliciting some "Happy Birthday's" when I pointed out I'm celebrating turning 71. Who would've thought, when I could barely make it up the stairs at my home group in 1986 that I'd be reasonably healthy and still moving all these years later? One day at a time, one step at a time, one decision at a time. 

What might you hope your legacy to be? Are there dreams or goals you want to attend to? How does Jane Goodall's statement about dying strike you? How does your spiritual program guide your days?

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The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you). 

Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. Also, Barth Books and Gifts took a few workbooks back to Yakima, WA with them from Summerfest, if you're in the area