So, good news in the health department this week, and then I got into a fender bender on the way home from the last medical appointment. Totally my fault, though the other driver may have been going more than the posted 20mph, and a big reminder to slow down and pay attention. I don't get into trouble every time I'm in a hurry, but most of the trouble I've been in was when I was in a hurry.
And it's not like the whole world isn't in a tizzy these days, whichever side of the divide you're on. I can do my best to call on compassion for others as well as myself. Kind of like when I burst into tears when the radiologist told me I'm ok, I don't know what other people may be carrying.
We marked Dios de Los Muertos this weekend, All Saints Day in Christianity, when the veil between this world and the next is thought to be more permeable than usual. We put out photos of our dearly departed, mindful that no one is truly gone as long as someone is here to remember them. So, Mom, Dad, Aunty Jeanne, Clyde, Hassan, Doug, Diane, Jayna - the list goes on as I'm sure yours does as well. I printed out something from the internet about ancestors, as in. "In moments of fear, stress and the unknown, ask your departed ancestors for guidance and support; they have your back." I did that with my medical fears last week, knowing that my female lineage (the men too) are examples of walking through hard times, whether in the world (the Oregon Trail, the Great Depression, WWI and WWII) or the personal of early deaths and diseases. When I allow myself to get still, I can feel the power available to me, releasing the perceived need to figure it all out.
I attended my last Step Group this past weekend, moving on after 12 years. Though certainly not the case with this particular involvement, it made me think of times I may have stayed in a situation longer than was healthy, whether a relationship or job, or even a meeting. I thought of a time when I first worked in treatment with teens. I often sat in on the young person's session with the psychiatrist, to help them relax just a bit. This particular time, I joined in while the older (50's? 60's?) Jewish psychiatrist from New York sang the Kenny Rogers song, "You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em" with a teenage boy from the Yakima Nation. I don't remember what it was in reference to - using friends? the gang life? - but the moment is etched in my mind as an excellent example of what we often hear to "meet them where they are."
So in my process of knowing when to fold 'em, I came to a shift in perspective. Instead of "shoulding" on myself for quitting the Step Group, I decided that what I really was doing was releasing my spot in the group for someone else. This group (or job or friendship, etc) was good while it was good, and now it's time to move on.
I'm seeking another perspective shift in relation to an old idea. A couple of people in the group spoke to their need to slow down, whether in decision making or actions. I felt myself bristle just a tiny bit, knowing that "hurry" is often my M.O. When I was a kid, maybe 10 years old, my dad cautioned me to "Slow down, Jeanine!" as I ran from the bathroom back out to the ball game in the street. For a long time, I thought, "I don't need to slow down - the rest of you need to pick it up!" which usually got nods of recognition from the fellow stimulant addicts in the room. Maybe, just maybe, these days I can reframe the "slow down" to mean acting from serenity vs being chastised. Can I practice the beneficial aspect of slowing down without pathologizing my innate nature?
Funny thing about those old ideas... for me, they may morph but are essentially the same. Part of the Step Group process was to, each year, identify a new idea to work towards. Wouldn't you know it, most of mine over the years were the same - trust the process, pause, relieve me of the bondage of self. I guess I'll keep coming back.
What old ideas are still present and could benefit from reframing? How do you listen to the still, small voice to know that it is time to move on from a person, place or thing? As we enter the holiday season, how will you practice extra self-care?
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The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a booth.
