Thinking....

As I once heard, I no longer have a drinking problem, but I do sometimes have a thinking problem. And this gem, "My brain would've killed me a long time ago, but it needs me for transportation."  One of the tasks of early recovery was to learn that I didn't have to act on every impulse or emotion.  As I go on, it is equally important to remind myself (over & over & over again) that my thoughts are just that - thoughts, merely wisps of internal conversation.  Comedian Mark Lundholm says, "First thought wrong."  Initially, yes, definitely. Now, not always, but my first thought continues to bear examination. Who's reality am I invested in?  How does my perception impact what I'm thinking, and where will I allow it to take me?

I just listened to a recording of David Foster Wallace's 2005 Kenyon College commencement address - 22:43 minutes of brilliance.  He talks to the new grads about learning to think, about how to go through life conscious rather than succumbing to the mind numbing tedium of the day-to-day. To paraphrase, he describes the spiritual danger involved when I believe that I am the center of the universe and that all that is happening around me is happening to me, whether traffic snarls or lines in the grocery store. He goes on to say that learning that we have control over our thoughts brings power - the power of not being tossed about by the petty annoyances of the world.  Much like is stated in the Big Book (god is either everything, or nothing), Wallace says that we can choose to see the line in the grocery store as sacred, or not, but we need to recognize that this is a choice. Real freedom, he states, comes with awareness and attention.

I am in danger when I think that I know what I know; when I start to believe that my time in recovery is a guarantee of future success, when I start to value my intellect more than my soul.  Awareness and attention. Awareness and attention. And breathing into the joys and struggles of long term recovery.  What is on your mind today?