Consistency...

I am a runner. An aging, slowing runner, but a runner nonetheless.What I lack in speed and skill, I more than make up for in enthusiasm and consistency. For me, it's about suiting up and showing up, which has resulted in 10 completed marathons, and a 20 mile trail run done in honor of my 62nd birthday in Oct.  However... between three head colds and winter weather, I barely ran during December, and here we are with more snow and a deep freeze in January. I've set my gear out several nights for an early morning run, only to venture as far as the porch and say, "Not today." The melt is coming and I assume I'll get back to my regular regimen, but I can certainly understand how easy it would be to just drift away from my fitness practice. After all, I'm older now, and it's cold out, and I don't want to fall. Give me a few minutes and I'll come up with more excuses. I mean reasons. I mean excuses.

I was in a meeting last week where 4 people shared about not getting to meetings for up to a month, and how they'd started to feel a little wonky. My initial judgment jumped in with an internal, "Nobody ever asked me if I felt like going to a meeting - you just go," but, alas, my recent running experience has upped my compassion and understanding of how one can just drift away - too busy, too cold, too dark, the kids are sick, I'm sick, work is piling up... oh, I don't really need a meeting anyway.

Consistency is an important component of my recovery tool kit, as necessary with 31 years in as it was at three months.  It might be even more important to me now that life is stable and I don't feel the "need" like I did in the early days. I've been fairly regular during my years in the fellowship, but the few times I did slack off a bit, whether related to traveling, work, or "life," I felt a little weird going back, like I didn't quite fit, or that I really didn't want to hear one more person talking about emotions. However, our literature reminds me that I am not cured of alcoholism, but have a "daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of (my) spiritual condition." Part of maintaining my spiritual fitness is the fellowship, the reminders I hear of what happens when we give up our program, as well as my responsibility to show up and be an example of long term sobriety. I was told long ago that if I only plan on 1 meeting a week, and miss that, I've been 2 weeks without a meeting, which is not a healthy place for me. Planning for 2-4 a week gives me some wiggle room when life on life's terms does happen. It is a different prescription for everyone, but 3 meetings a week seems to be my baseline. 1 will do, 2 is OK, but 3 is when I feel most connected. I need that reminder that my life is good today not because I am in charge, but because of the grace of god. Meetings, as rambunctious and full of profanity as they can sometimes be, are like my church; where I go to give witness, and to witness in others the miracle of recovery.

Consistency matters, whether that is in regard to running, eating healthy, meditation, meetings, or all of the above. I can't run twice a month and expect to run a marathon. I can't meditate a few times and expect to reach nirvana.  I can't hit 1 meeting a month, expecting serenity.

Like many of us in the Portland area, I'm a little stir crazy with the weather, looking forward to my routine. I find solace and comfort in the structure of our program, and when I am able to bring at least some structure to my daily life. Someone once shared with me that initially she thought of structure as binding, but then realized that it is freeing. When I am consistent in my structure (running, meetings, "fill in the blank") I have the freedom to explore new ventures, to fully experience what the day has to offer.

Today, I am thanking God for the rain and above-freezing temps that have just arrived. What are you grateful for today? Are there areas where you need more consistency or structure in your life?