When to speak up, when to shut up?

Like many of us, I have opinions related to the current state of affairs. Many other people have opinions too, and we don't always agree. What to do? Often, my first reaction is righteous indignation, but that never solved a thing, whether it's a political difference or how to set up the chairs for a meeting. When do I speak up, and when do I simply keep my mouth shut?

I allowed my buttons to get pushed earlier this week regarding a political topic. I say "allowed" because I chose to visit a social media site. I chose to follow a link that I suspected would be upsetting. I chose to read said link. I did exercise some restraint by not reacting immediately, but I did state my views a day later, in what I considered polite terms, and from my heart. But what were my motives?

Marieanne Williamson once wrote that she gets herself in trouble when she allows herself to go unconscious with her motives. Ah yes. I can justify all sorts of things if I'm not honest with myself at the deepest levels. What is it I am trying to accomplish? Am I making a decision, comment or action based on self? When do I need to seek counsel before taking that action?

A recovery acronym that I need to employ more often advises me to THINK before speaking - ask myself if what I am about to say is Thoughtful, Helpful, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind - and not just one of the above, but all five! I plan to change the "Intelligent" to "Intent." What is my intent in sharing my view? Is it in an effort to change another person? Not the best motive, and not generally effective. Is it because I want be true to myself and remaining silent would imply approval? Better, but even then I can be reacting rather than responding. What I try to remember in my personal interactions is to ask myself, "Did they ask for my opinion?" and unless the answer is a resounding "Yes!" I'm better off keeping quiet. So, a) did they ask for my views? and b) does my answer meet THINK?  The seconds spent contemplating my side of the street could be just enough of a pause that I might not answer at all. A friend once shared that he has a lot of different feelings during the day, but he doesn't have to attach a sentence to every one. I can use that reminder for my opinions too.

There are a lot of opinions floating around in this world. As I got my teeth cleaned today, the hygienist shared her vehement views of whether or not the City of Portland should put salt on the roads when it snows. I had a countering view, but my "pause" came in the form of her two hands in my mouth. By the time I came up for air, I realized that I really didn't need to say anything. I'm not always graced with such an obvious block to sharing my views, but it probably wouldn't hurt to bring back that memory when I find myself just dying to speak.

One would hope that with long-term recovery comes a certain amount of wisdom. One would hope. I did find myself using the Serenity Prayer in recent days with renewed vigor. I am also attempting to be more discerning of that fine line between staying informed and following every rabbit trail and news feed. As always, self care involves self awareness.When do I need to detach from social media, or turn off the TV? How do I remain an informed citizen without falling into fear or anger? Exchanging serenity for agitation is not in my best interest, unless I can use that agitation for good purpose.

I wonder what Bill and Dr. Bob would think of technology that allows for recovery conversations across the globe, and immediate access to every imaginable bit of information. I can only guess they'd be as fascinated as we seem to be, and would recognize this instant access as both a blessing and a curse. And, back in the 1930's, they suggested that "We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders" (p.132). Sound counsel then, and now.

This probably isn't the last you'll hear from me about practicing the principles in all my affairs. The key here is my affairs. What is mine to do, and what isn't. When do I speak, and when do I not?

 God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.