Just a human...

As I rounded a corner on my morning run yesterday, a feisty yapper lunged at me and made a racket much louder than 6am called for. "Oh stop it," his owner scolded, as she pulled in his leash. "It's just a human!"

Just a human, in all my glory. This week, that included eating large amounts of everything in sight in preparation for the initial weigh-in at work today for a "biggest loser" challenge. By my thinking, I should bulk up a bit and wear heavy clothes on this first day, because it will make my eventual loss all the greater and, I might be hungry tomorrow. Optimistic, and just a tad alcoholic - some things don't change.

I generally take pretty good care of my physical needs - this week I've gotten a haircut, had a mammogram, and a massage. Where I can fall short is with my emotional need for connection. I can get wrapped up in "things to do," or crummy weather, or general busy-ness until I find myself in a funk and realize that I haven't talked to anyone that I don't work with for a while. If my only friend contact is on a screen (texting or social media), I'm in trouble, because that is basically talking to myself. I'm the boss at work, so while I talk "to" people all day, I'm not often talking "with" anyone. With my spouse's schedule, I have a fair amount of time to myself, which is both good and bad for this introvert, and with my perception of all that's been going on in the world, I've gotten into some serious doom & gloom.

And, I'm just a human, with moods and quirks and sometimes, a harebrained idea or two. It's when I expect myself to be otherwise that I'm headed down the trail to perfectionism. When self-judgement flares, usually with a few well-placed "shoulds" or "should nots," I'm taking myself out of the human race. One time, during an especially poignant share during a group I was facilitating, I started to cry. It happens. Later, one of the guys said, "Mrs B is not a robot!" I do sometimes censor myself. At work, that is appropriate. At home, or when it is just me talking to my Higher Power, not so much. When I'm trying to will myself into, or more often, out of, a particular feeling, I'm denying myself this messy, sometime sloppy, often joyous human experience.

So, as I bounce off the most recent news feed, or sit with my cat at the vet, or settle into my meditation chair, I will do my best to remember that I'm human. Not "just a human," because being human is an amazing thing. I will remember that the ups and downs are part of that experience; that sometimes I cry with pain or sadness, and sometimes with happiness. When I shift the dial to "gratitude," I'm reminded that "progress not perfection" is not a destination, but a way of life.

Thanks for reading...