Cunning, baffling and powerful...

A young man I'd been working with as a mentor since January took his own life last week. He suffered (& it truly is suffering) from anxiety, but seemed determined to make a go of his chosen education and career path. I find myself wondering if we pushed him too hard, if he was too fragile for the environment, if I could've done something differently, all the while understanding that this was his choice, however much I might wish otherwise.

I sometimes, even if briefly, forget that addiction and alcoholism, and all the attached "ism's" are a fatal malady - a chronic, progressive, relapsing condition. I thrive in my spiritually driven group discussions, my spirit soars when a sponsee demonstrates her fire for recovery, I love our conferences and potlucks and speaker meetings. And, too many of us die lonely and sad, deaths tragic because it so often seems that there might've been another way.

The Big Book suggests that we shouldn't engage in "morbid reflection." Sometimes, though, I think it is a good to remember that we don't all make it; that every day alive and sober truly is a gift. Let me not waste it on trivial worries. I disagree with the old-timer who used to say, "There are no big deals." There are big deals, but most of what occupies my mind are luxury problems. I know where I'm sleeping tonight. I've had enough to eat today. I live in relative safety and security. My loved ones are safe. I am in recovery.

Thank you, Higher Power, for another day clean & sober. And God's Blessings to C. and his family...