I've struggled with a topic for this week’s post. Usually, an idea simmers for a few days before I sit down to write, but this week, I've dreaded the keyboard, though I'd feel dishonest not to address my feelings. Tradition 10 says that Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues (this applies to all 12 step programs). Yes, thank goodness. And, I am a human being with opinions and feelings and reactions to the events of the world.

I keep coming back to the question of how to maintain sanity and serenity in a world that feels un-moored. There are vastly opposing views on why the world, the nation, feels off-kilter - I’m not here to argue that, other than to say that I continue to be deeply disturbed by the actions of zealots who take innocent lives.

I haven’t really let myself cry for the 2 men murdered and 1 injured on the train while standing up to the person who was harassing 2 teenage girls last week. I didn’t go to the vigil and I haven’t gone to see the memorial. It feels too raw, while at the same time unbelievable. A good friend reminded me that racism is nothing new in this country, and certainly not in Portland. Agreed, and this level of violence literally so close to home, in the area I grew up in, on the train that friends take to and from work, has shaken me. Those from other parts of the world  might say, “welcome to what we have to deal with every day” and I wouldn’t disagree. And, events of recent weeks, here and abroad, have me struggling to focus on gratitude and on my immediate circle of influence.

I do not want to live in a place of either heightened alert or denial. How do I use my recovery program to stay focused on where I can have an impact? And the bigger question that I've heard others ask too - how would I respond in a situation where someone was being attacked based on their perceived religion or ethnicity, or their gender identity?

Recovery has meant that over time I’ve learned to live with integrity. I don’t make promises that I don’t intend to keep. I’ve done work on defining my values, and I do my best to adhere to them. I try to be kind to others, or at the very least, not rude. I am finding that feeling content in my personal life and deeply troubled with the world at large is an uncomfortable place to be. I'm feeling a little flat at work, less than energetic at home, disgusted and saddened by the level of hate and anger that sometimes feels so loud.

I won't claim that 12 Step meetings are the epitome of harmony, or of open-mindedness, but what I've seen is that we take seriously the reminder that "We are people who normally would not mix." How can we, how can I, foster that level of acceptance in the world outside the relative safety of our meetings?

I think it goes back to "let it begin with me." I can't change The World, but I can impact my world. I can say,"good morning" to those I see on my morning run. I can tip the barista. I can stop for people crossing the street. I can focus on healing for the world when I sit in my meditation chair. I can be sure that the last words I say to my spouse are "I love you," when we each head off to work in the morning. There is more that I can and will do that borders on political, so I'll leave that out. I do commit to practicing Step 11 each day, asking for the knowledge of Higher Power's will for me and the power to carry that out.

How do you practice the words of the Serenity Prayer? Where do you go, literally or figuratively, when you feel disheartened?