One of my Alanon daily readers this week spoke to Step One, and the erroneous belief that it only applies when active alcoholism is in the picture. Ah, were that true. Were that true, I could go merrily along running the show, large and in charge, arranging the lights and sets to meet my wishes. 

Step One applies to most areas of my life, and I can substitute any other person, place or thing for the word "alcohol."  I admit I am powerless over (fill in the blank) and my life becomes unmanageable when I operate as if I can control the uncontrollable. I do this with Step Three as well - Relieve me of the bondage of  _________, not thinking some entity will magically pluck the problem away, but as a reminder that the world and people in it do not require my supervision, input or direction.

Someone once said that when she is resentful, it's usually because she's forgotten her powerlessness. Argh! I'm not walking around with any big resentments at present, but always, always, when I am disturbed, I benefit from an internal scan to determine what's really going on. Am I hungry? Do I need a nap? Am I upset that someone isn't behaving how I think they should? Step One. Step Three. Step Ten. Back away from the frustration. Take a walk. Call a friend, Work in the garden. 

I do know that the more powerless I feel, the more I obsess and try to control - and it's not always about the same thing. For example, I was devastated when my mother was dying - I probably shouldn't even have been allowed to drive a car. In my fear and sadness, I tried to grab hold of any little thing I thought I could control. With gentle input from my spouse, I realized I was acting out my sorrow and was able to loosen my grip just a little. She still died. I still grieved. And, I did a little less damage along the way.

What I do know is that Step One by itself is frightening. OK, I admit I'm not in control, but now what? The "now what" is Steps Two and Three, acknowledging that utilizing my spiritual resources can restore me to balance, to sanity, to a more peaceful state of mind. Big upsets or small - for me, all benefit from a review of the first three Steps. 

This week I am extra appreciative of those who are further along this Road of Happy Destiny, as well as those coming up behind. I have a handful of friends seven to ten years older, who assure me I'm right where I'm supposed to be, and I'm in contact with a few women who are just starting their recovery journey where I get to say, "Ah, you're right on schedule."  I come from a small family, and don't have day-to-day contact with my elders or youngers, so the "family of choice" aspect of recovery allows me to be both student and teacher, in real time. I am grateful for the opportunities to go deep, to truly answer the question, "How are you?" and to explore this glorious, sometimes confusing and always interesting life.

As I mark the one year anniversary of retirement, along with the Summer Solstice (here in the northern hemisphere), I sit with contentment for this "one day at a time" approach to life. There have been seasons in sobriety that I've had to take it one hour at a time, but as the clock ticks on, I'm better able to stay in the here and now. 

If gratitude is, indeed, the spiritual elevator, how can you utilize the practice to stay in the present moment? Where can Step One (Two and Three) help you return to balance this week?

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