What it's like now

 I'm hitting the road for another brief trip, so this post is coming to you early. 

I was in and out of a couple of online conferences this weekend, listening to several speakers sharing their experience, strength and hope. I'm not great with sitting still through online meetings, but the joy of zoom is that I can be doing other things while listening. (I'm not good with podcasts or audiobooks either - already too many voices in my head!).

When listening to speakers, whether in a regular meeting, or from the online podium, I relate to the "what it was like and what happened" portion, but am especially attentive to "what it's like now." What is it like now, years into recovery? What are the challenges of long term sobriety and how do you walk through them? For me, those challenges include staying engaged, remaining teachable, and the ever evolving life-on-life's-terms. I have way more tools to deal with life at 35 years then I did at 3 months, when about all I could muster was "don't drink and go to meetings." And I have a greater repertoire of solutions at this point than I did at 5, 10 or 15 years. The "simple kit of spiritual tools" that was "laid at [my]feet"  (Big Book, p.25) now includes what I've learned through working the Steps many times, and what I've gained from teachers I've been privileged to meet along the way, whether in person or in print. My toolkit has also been enriched by life experience - each time I've walked through a difficult (or joyous) occasion, my self-confidence increases: If I can do that (fill in the blank) without picking up a drink, I can do anything.

My belly-button birthday was this week - another trip around the sun. It's not a big one - neither a "5" or an "0", but as a recovering person, every birthday is a gift. I very likely could've died behind the wheel of a car, with a hand over one eye and all the windows down, or at the end of a syringe. I could've gone home with the wrong stranger, or stepped a little too close to the curb. Instead, I sit here, reasonably healthy in mind and body, reasonably serene, and reasonably happy, joyous and free most days. If I'm momentarily tempted by the "is that all?" siren song, I can consciously remember all the crap that was daily life back in the day. I am very fortunate, indeed.

And so, leaving on a jet plane, which, for me, is a great perspective shifter. Yes, vacations are fun. Vacations in other cities, natural landscapes or foreign countries are fun, and the greatest enjoyment for me is the experience of "other," which reminds me of just how similar we all are. Until we meet again...

When you are in a meeting, or conference, what is it that holds your attention? What do you learn from the "what it's like now" portion of a share? If you find yourself comparing, as in "I don't measure up," how do you shift to gratitude for what your life looks like in this very moment?

**Reminder that if you'd like this sent to your email every week, or if you're interested in the workbook, "I've Been Sober a Long Time - Now What?" you will need to go to the WEB VERSION of www.soberlongtime.com for the links.