We're out of town this week, a pleasant break to visit family, back to our usual routines after the 2+ years of isolation. As a friend recently remarked, it will be a long time before we fully understand the impact that covid and social shut down had (or is having) on the world. Our home-away-from-home group is still online, we've become quite comfortable with staying in, masks in our pockets wherever we go... And in many respects, I'm back out in the world, seeing movies (in nearly empty theaters), getting on airplanes, the occasional dinner with friends, and a few in-person meetings - at least until the next surge.
A regular subscriber recently brought up the topic of relaxation in recovery, often working with sponsees on the need to take time each day, or each week for some "me or we" time. Good advice. I know that when first sober, I felt like I needed to make up for lost time, and I heard that alot from men I worked with in treatment - the perceived "need" to work 50-60 hours a week in order to provide for themselves and the family they'd neglected. But the idea of lost time is an illusion, isn't it? Time is never really lost. It can certainly fly by, and can sometimes be squandered, but the movement of one day to the next simply is.
A program friend, Jill Kelly, wrote a great book a few years ago: Sober Play - Using Creativity for a More JOYFUL Recovery (3Cats Publishing, 2013) with ways to incorporate the principles of the Steps into life, not merely the stop-drinking part. She writes about art, from coloring to collage to painting, writing, dance, gardening, and other ways to get out of the stern mindset we alcoholics can sometimes find ourselves in.
As someone who had way too much "fun" before sobriety, it took a while to relax and discover what it was I truly enjoyed. Early recovery was definitely discovery - my first hikes, walking as a way to further the detox, and those ever-entertaining AA dances helped fill the time. New friends and I took trips together, played volleyball, and of course, coffee dates. My problem, back then anyway, wasn't that I didn't know how to play, but that I find a sense of balance without burning the candle at both ends with work, school, meetings and fun (which felt like my right after those last ugly years).
Recovery included redefining "fun." Fun used to mean, well into sobriety, fireworks and noise - dancing for three hours straight, in heels, at a bar with program pals or at AA functions (& believe me, we threw some epic dance parties)
I was younger then (!) so better able to handle working eight hours, hitting a meeting, and maybe a movie afterwards. I figured out early on that if I wanted to go to a party or a potluck, I was better off planning an event rather than waiting for the knock on the door. Friends have often commented on my energy, to which I reply, "naps" - still my go-to for a recharge. These days I'm excited to make a plan, but just as happy when it cancels. Where in the past I could and would schedule two or three things in a day, I'm now at my limit with one! Quality, not quantity is the philosophy of long term recovery.
In his book Beyond Belief - Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life, Joe C. writes, in the October 4 entry, "...we have an illness that commands a process of healing from the symptoms, followed by a lifetime of managing the condition." For me, a big part of that management has to do with balance, which can look different on different days. As I was once reminded, to achieve balance, a scale will teeter up and down before hitting the sweet spot. Much like my life - periods of relative calm followed by a frenzy of activity then back to calm. Too much calm can feel sedating, but to each their own. Everything I read related to recovery reminds me that we are best served when listening to our own inner compass. When new, I tried to copy this person or that. With time and experience, I have a pretty good handle on what works for me (my serenity level and/or joy meter will let me know when I'm off the beam).
What does it mean to you to have fun these days? How has that definition changed over time? If you find yourself over working (or over volunteering, over helping, etc) how might you inject some relaxation or social time into your week?
Fall is a great time to start a small group discussion, or work with a sponsor or sponsee with the Now What? workbook. See the Feb 4 post for a sample or contact me at shadowsandveins@gmail.com for more info. Available for purchase on the WEB VERSION of this blog page, and at Portland Area Intergroup.
No comments:
Post a Comment