Habits

 In the past couple of weeks, I've had random recovery-based encounters with strangers. One was a cousin of a cousin, who has a circle and triangle bumper sticker on her car. I noted, "I have one of those too," to which she replied, "It's a good one!" and left it at that. Another was one of the two-man carpet cleaning crew, who commented on our fridge magnets - Easy Does It, and that circle and triangle - saying that he's a member of the same club and left it at that. The third was one of the people I drove to their cancer treatment for my volunteer gig. He commented that I didn't look old enough to have had a 70th birthday party (god bless him, and yes, I was talking about our party) so the fact that I quit smoking and drinking decades ago came up as way of explanation - clean living!. He disclosed that he gave up booze and pot 8 years ago - no program, just quit because he realized it wasn't doing him any good. He talked a little about how it was hard at first, going to bars and ordering juice the way he would've ordered beers, so he quit going to bars and doesn't miss it. I love when we see each other out in the world - a little nod at the grocery store, the stranger who recognizes a bumper sticker, or connecting with a fellow sober person. I am so grateful to be part of the solution.    

I recently came across a note I wrote to myself: I can no longer accept powerlessness over what comes between me and my peace of mind. Oh man, does that ever ring true! For so long, friends and I would proclaim, "I'm such an alcoholic!" as an excuse for behavior or mindset. And it was important, in those early, and even middle, years to identify old thinking vs new. But these days, with years of therapy and decades of recovery under my belt, I can no longer accept powerlessness over what comes between me and my peace of mind, and its companion reminder that I'm not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my second. Are there places in my life that I've gotten lazy or place blame, whether on the disease or my upbringing, or another person? What do I do if I catch myself in "Woe is me?" That doesn't happen too often these days, and usually it just means I need a nap, but the self-monitoring of Step 10 is always a helpful touchpoint.

That being said, I've been a bit cranky the last few weeks, my routine disrupted by the roof replacement, carpet work, the big party, etc (it doesn't have to be a negative to throw me off balance - too many good things do it too). I can know that I'm off-kilter and why, but it can be tough to surrender to what is rather than what I want to be. Keeping the routines I can (walking, even if shorter; eating healthy for example) can help me ride the wave until the workers are all gone and the checks are all written. And, it's a new day.

In a recent meeting with the topic of "prayer and meditation" (however one does or doesn't define that), several people spoke to the discipline required to practice the principles in all our affairs, with the emphasis on practice, as well as the importance of habit. If I only meditate when I think I "need" to, I miss out on the benefits of establishing a pattern. As someone commented many years ago, when I celebrated an anniversary during a rough patch, I don't have to think about what to do when times are hard, because I do what I do in good times and not so good times. Whether it used to be getting ready for work in the morning with lunch already made, or responding to a life event, I operate better when I don't have to think too much about the details - don't drink, go to meetings, reason things out with someone else, sit still and quiet the inner chatterbox (which for me, usually involves pen to paper).

I'm on a brief visit to the Land of Enchantment (New Mexico). With all that's gone on in the month of July, it was so relaxing to buckle my seatbelt on the plane, knowing my only decisions in the coming days are what t-shirt to wear, or what to have for lunch. I guess that's why it's called a vacation - a break from the usual, which for me recently has included decision overload. One day at a time, one choice at a time, one breath at a time.

On Sunday,  AAAgnostica.org published my piece on long term sobriety. Thank you! And welcome to new readers via that site.  You are very welcome to share any comments on this page or via email (or not). 

Today, do you know what comes between you and serenity? How do you come back to center when life or world events have you discombobulated? What routines are important for you to keep, even in the midst of actual or imagined turmoil? How do you turn down the noise when decision or information overload strikes?

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The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or hard copy mailed to you). Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. And a reminder that the workbook, is available at the Portland Area Intergroup at 825 NE 20th. for local folks.