Short post today... all I can muster.
In my elections gig, we go out and assist voters who have requested help in one form or another (sight issues and the like). This past week, we visited a woman who needed us to read her the ballot, the old fashioned way vs computerized. As we wrapped up, she said, with tears in her eyes, that this was likely her last time to vote as her physician has given her six months or less to live, due to cancer. She whispered, "I'm not ready to go," as we hugged and cried with her.
I'm not ready to go. My mother said something similar when she was placed under hospice care, saying "They don't know!" that it would be six months or less. I did my best to let her process the end of life in her way and time, thinking, "Ah, she is not going to go quietly into the night." As she neared the end, with me praying that she go gently. she seemed to make her peace with it, but what a thing to be told, that the end is nigh.
Of course, in reality, while none of us actually know when, I do hope to go in peace when it's my time. I've had good examples of that in program friends and acquaintances who've passed, showing fear, strength, courage, uncertainty and fortitude, as well as demonstrating the principles of the program. As in all things, I learn from the example of others.
Speaking of the principles, we've had an election here in the States, and you may be mourning or celebrating depending on your views. AA/Alanon has no opinion on outside issues, and this is definitely one. However, I'm a human being and I do have opinions and emotions. What I know, as a long-term member of the fellowship, is that my prime directive, whenever strong emotions threaten my peace of mind, is to get centered and calm my heart. Whether my upset (positive or negative) comes from affairs of the world or nation, from family or friends, or my own internal machinations, I can first and foremost acknowledge and honor my feelings, and then do what I need to do to return to a place of calm.
I am powerless over so much - drugs and alcohol once in my system for sure, as well as people, places and things. I don't always like that, but reality is reality. One of the many spiritual books I've read used the term, "Focus on that which abides," which likely means different things to different people. For me, much of what abides has to do with love, with family, with close friends, and recovery. It's aboutsuiting up and showing up, even in uncertain times. Today I had my cup of tea and went for a walk, quiet nods to those I passed on the way. I'm making soup, and will hit a meeting at noon then meet with a sponsee. I will regulate my social media and news ingestion, knowing that some of my loved ones are very sad and some are very happy. And the beat goes on, one day at a time.
What do you do when the news of the day intrudes on your peace of mind? How do you find, or return, to center when emotions run high? How are you an example of the program, today and all days?
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The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or hard copy mailed to you). Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. And a reminder that the workbook, is available at the Portland Area Intergroup at 825 NE 20th. for local folks.
