I got a call late last week that a good friend was in the ICU for emergency intestinal surgery. Wait - what?? We'd spent the day on Thursday texting back and forth about my May travel, and he was scheduled to leave town on an extended trip on Friday, instead, calling for an ambulance. I've alerted the troops (i.e. home group members) and have been to the hospital, working with another friend to try to access his travel documents in order to cancel (note to self - the computer/phone is great, and having a paper backup is a good idea for such unexpected emergencies). Once more, a reminder that you just never know. You really, really just never know.
Another friend is part of a small group that has been meeting over time, with a current focus on the 12 steps. Each member takes a Step and creates processing questions to facilitate going deep into the "what it's like now" portion of our program. I've always appreciated the small, in-home groups I've participated in - the current Cabal, a group that worked through One Breath at a Time, another group that worked the Alanon Steps, a focus on aging, a group we called To Old to Give a F***, and plain old Step Groups over the years. I love my meetings, and there is something about sitting regularly with a closed group that allows for enhanced emotional honesty.
One of the questions that April L. shared with me made me catch my breath: "If your recovery were no longer just measured by abstinence, how would you evaluate your spiritual awareness and condition today?" My immediate thoughts were around specifics - not running around on my partner, not stealing time, attention or money from loved ones or myself, all of which points to integrity - the walking the talk variety. I know what my morals and values are today, i.e. they don't change based on my circumstances or who I'm with. And today, what recovery looks like is showing up - going to the hospital even though my friend was unconscious/sedated, staying in touch with his family out of state, doing what little I could (and so very grateful that, as of this writing, he is out of ICU and on the mend).
The question also makes me think of service on a less personal level - how am I part of the solution today, in ways big and small? A smile and "good morning" to those I pass when I walk (whether they reply or not), coffee cards I give to my favorite, or random, grocery store clerks at the holidays, fostering communication between neighbors, letting a car into MY lane. This week that meant accepting an invitation to go in the home of an older woman I chat with on my walks in order to view her amazing paintings (another reminder - it's never too late).
I chaired my Alanon home group last week, marking the 40 year anniversary of walking in the doors, desperate for a magic formula that would convince my heroin addicted sort-of-boyfriend to get clean. I am so very grateful that I don't live with the active disease today, whether that man or a later partner who was a relapser. I'm so grateful for the inventories, outside help and tears that (eventually) brought me to a place of being able to look at the past - my growing up years - without staring. It has definitely been a journey, and one I will continue.
My topic for the meeting was from one of the daily readers that spoke to detaching from myself. I'm semi-proficient at detaching from others, but what about my own sometimes circular thinking? How do I ensure that my mind and my body are in the same place? It's no big secret, though I sometimes act (think!) as if I just obsess long enough, or in the "right" way, the situation will turn out to my liking. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't and it is not my brain power that changes the weather or traffic, my spouse's workday, a friend's predicament. "One day at a time" can sound simple, but it continues to be a challenge for me. Right here, right now, all is well. My friend is doing amazingly well (being a marathoner helps), another friend received helpful and hopeful medical news, my brother is taking care of business in the newly widower department, and just for today, my spouse and I are healthy. Thank you to long term sobriety for having the tools to walk through whatever life throws my way - not always gracefully or automatically, but I get there, yes, ODAT.
How would you measure your emotional sobriety today? How are you of service, in ways big and small? Are you able to detach from your own thoughts when you find yourself in a quandary? What are you grateful for today?
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Time for an inventory? The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a table
