A raccoon crossed my path on an early morning run last week. I pay attention when I catch these creatures lumbering across a dark street, taking a deep breath as I attempt to come back to the present moment. Yes, I am running on the streets of my neighborhood, usually quiet at 5am, planning my day,  and here is this reminder of the bigger, natural world that I am a part of.

Raccoon is my spirit animal. Years ago, I participated in a vision quest meditation at Brietenbush Hot Springs, as sacred a place as I’ve ever been. As the guide's soothing voice moved us along an internal journey designed to allow our spirit animal to present itself, raccoon showed up. Not this, I thought, having hoped for a noble eagle, or perhaps, wolf. As a child, I'd wanted to grow up to be a black stallion, in that love affair with horses that young girls often pass through. Maybe I could have horse as my spirit animal - after all, that is my Chinese zodiac sign. Alas, it was the lowly raccoon who showed up and stayed.

When I got over my expectations, it made sense. Raccoon is urban, clever, adaptable, and as a spirit animal represents a problem solver, and one who is calm under pressure - not a bad animal to be associated with. And, I see her frequently, which means a fairly regular nudge to take a breath

Spirit animals, Tarot, reading Biblical interpretations, study of the Goddesses, prayer and meditation, to name a few, are, or have been, a component of my seeking conscious contact with god as I (don't) understand god. I've recently been exposed to the writing of James Finley, a Christian scholar who lived with Thomas Merton at the Abbey of Gethsemani as a young man. He states that "To know you don't know is the beginning of wisdom." He also writes about "holy discontent, a holy restlessness, a kind of homesickness" that prompts our seeking.

The Big Book speaks to this fundamental idea of god, "deep down in every" person, and describes how we've previously worshiped people, things, and ourselves (We Agnostics), as in, “money, property and prestige.” Yes, both before recovery and after. I've heard it said that whatever I think about the most is my higher power. Ugh. Food? Particular relationships? Work? Fear of financial insecurity?  Where do I mentally spend my precious minutes and hours?

“While our deepest instincts are ultimately to do what is best for ourselves, sometimes we need guidance to recognize when we’ve wandered away from our truest selves, and lessons to learn how to regain our bearings.” (Trauma Stewardship, by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky) A friend recently noted (and I’m misquoting) that what is capital “T” Truth shows up in many places – our 12 Step programs, and the many spiritual paths we take. At times it is a conscious effort, but sometimes it shows up in something I'm reading for work, or something I hear in a meeting from an unlikely source. Keeping my ears and mind open is my quest, one day at a time.

I tend to vacillate between “God the Almighty,"  god-the-raccoon-crossing-my-path, and many places in-between. Where or how do you experience a spiritual connection today, that portal to your inner wisdom? How often does the connection find you, even if you weren't looking at the moment?