"Happiness may well consist primarily of an attitude towards time”   Robert Grudin

It’s interesting that I can see something without really noticing, and then “wham!” Where did that come from? I’ve had that experience with our literature (see Step 8 in 12x12) or in listening to a speaker CD – When did they add that part?! I suppose it all goes back to “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

I had that reaction to the above quote from one of my daily meditation books that I've apparently seen every February 28 for the past several years. For some reason, this time, it hit me upside the head as I realized, truly realized, that I have a distorted relationship with time. I’ve often joked that time is my Higher Power, and even though everything that needs doing gets done, I have a deep sense of time urgency that nips at my heels and feeds the “never enough” demon. This is definitely an area where I benefit from consciously interrupting the inner “committee” to remind myself that I really do have all the time required to get through the weeks and days. Laundry gets done, when I was in school all my papers got written, bills get paid, etc etc etc. Exhale.

I find it helpful to either mentally or actually make note of all that is on my plate at any given moment – projects, chores, family concerns, meetings, due dates, work stuff, and so on. The simple act of making a list helps me say, “Oh. Of course you’re a little stressed.” I can then break down various items into manageable increments. What needs to get done today? (and I'm coming to understand that sometimes what needs doing is absolutely nothing, along the lines of reading a book, watching a movie, or simply sitting in a comfortable chair and watching the snow fall).

After reading the quote, I looked the guy up (thank you, wonder of Google) and found that he’s written a book, Time and the Art of Living, which arrived on Sunday. Thus far, I am enjoying his philosophical take on our relationship to time, which he describes as always having a beginning, middle and end: the workday, a class, a relationship, a TV show, a meal, life itself...  I am great at middles. Beginnings and endings? Not so much. That’s when I can find myself grasping, either to what hasn’t yet taken shape, or trying to hold on to that which is no longer viable. With middles, I am in my element, and, with this new perspective, will be better equipped to take a look at my discomfort (which can show up as either excitement or dread, depending on the situation).

Whether it is a new book, a piece of program literature I’m not familiar with (including those magical paragraphs that suddenly appear), or simply hearing something in a new way, I appreciate the sometimes tiny shifts that crack open my mind to a new idea. Remaining teachable seems to be the great quest of long term sobriety - how do I/how do you stay willing to learn?

**I want to note that we lost a member this past week to an icy car wreck. Ronnie S had  8 years sobriety, and was active in service at a couple of local speaker meetings. He was a calming presence and had a great smile. A few years ago, I was scheduled at a BIG monthly speaker meeting and was nearly sick with the jitters. I arrived early and Ronnie chatted with me, about nothing in particular, but it was enough to slow my heart rate and move me to a place of letting HP speak through me. I always felt a little safer when he was in the room.  Farewell, Ronnie. You will be missed ~