Wow - what a difference a week makes. As I was driving to an eye doctor appointment last Thursday, I got a call that my work crew is being banned from our contracted site for 30 days due to the Corona virus. My immediate task was to get back to the unit to bring some semblance of calm to clients and staff who were rightfully wondering, "What does this mean for me?" Every weekday since, I've worked with staff and supervisors online and via text - all while noticing my own simmering fears around the virus, my own dislike of change, my own concerns about what's next.

Being off work, I was able to hit an Alanon meeting I don't usually get to - sparsely attended, extra space between chairs, no hand-holding at the end. Several shares focused on fear and uncertainty, around elderly parents, the financial markets, their own health, kids out of school, etc etc etc. All expressed gratitude for our programs, though having and using the tools doesn't mean we aren't human. We're talking global pandemic here - even the words are scary.

And then, I saw a lovely video of quarantined people in Italy, singing into the streets from their sequestered balconies. I read a lovely poem suggesting that this can be a healing time as we stop traveling, stop buying, get still - a cosmic re-set of sorts. I was reminded of the beauty of the human spirit, when much of the "news" focuses on what is wrong.

Yesterday, a few stalwarts showed up for our regular 7am meeting, not certain if we'll be allowed to gather again. Each day has brought news of closures - in the greater world, but also, all our local 12 Step meeting places are shut down for at least two weeks. What's an alcoholic to do?

Enter technology! Today I attended my first online meeting and found myself getting teary as a friend read "How it Works," thinking of all the people who are connecting in this way during this challenging time. The "we" of the program reaches across quarantine and isolation, through time zones and languages. I am grateful for the privilege of internet connection.

I am also grateful for my Depression era parents - thanks to their modeling, I always have enough t.p. and canned goods on hand to last for weeks. I am grateful that I'm getting paid to work at home, acutely aware that so many don't have that luxury. I'm grateful that the sun has been shining here in Portland, which makes being home easier to take. I'm grateful that I'm able to stay in, at least partly to protect my husband's delicate recovering immune system.

Page 38 in the 12x12 (Step Three) talks about the tests faced by AA's during WWII - would they be able to maintain their recovery in the face of war? Yes, Bill writes, and we, too can walk through what life brings, though I'm realizing that this is a process. I first have to feel the fear and anxiety, accept it as a reasonable response to the current world situation, and breathe into trust. I do not know what comes next, but I do know that today, I am in recovery and doing my best to practice the principles.

Are you able to acknowledge your fears today, and move to a place of acceptance and trust? What do you do to calm the inner storms? How will you consciously move to a place of peace in the seeming chaos?

I would suggest virtual meetings as a tool of the moment, and a good way to stay connected when we are advised not to meet in person. I just googled "online aa meetings" and was given many options. Also, check in with your local Intergroup (pdxaa.org has multiple options).

Until we meet again, friends - stay safe.

NOTE: “I’ve Been Sober a Long Time – Now What? A workbook for the Joys & Challenges of Long Term Recovery” is a 78 page workbook, 8 ½ x11 format, with topics (such as grief, aging, sponsorship) that include a member’s view and processing questions. Available at Portland Area Intergroup at 825 N.E. 20th or online through this blog page. If you would like to purchase online, you will need to go to the WEB VERSION of this page to view the link to PayPal or Credit Card option.   Email me at shadowsandveins@gmail.com if you’d like more information