I've experienced the "we" of the program this week as I've listened to those in meetings talk about the importance of connection, and how contact with other sober people is part of their spiritual life. My imagination is fired, like it says in the book, with conversations and observations of others walking the path. My fire was lit when a friend/sponsee phoned early on Sunday to share her excitement following an international meeting she'd attended. My fire was lit when a sponsee phoned on Tuesday to share her excitement around her new sponsee. Like a candle being passed around the circle, your fire lights mine, and mine can then light another's.

We had a couple of large Tree of Heaven (an invasive species) removed from the yard last week, leaving a blank slate for future planting. I'm not particularly talented with analogy, but it did strike me, as I surveyed what looks apocalyptic, that this is a metaphor for my life at the moment. What was (career, workday schedule, identity) is no longer, and like the garden, the new has yet to be planted. When I can do is till the soil and make myself (& the yard) ready for whatever comes next. Exciting! I used to be at least a little afraid of starting over, of new beginnings, not sure what the future would bring. Today, with a lifetime of experience behind me, I am more comfortable with the opportunity for change.

In a meeting on the surrender of Step 3, a member shared that making a decision can be a powerful act. I tend to think of the defeat that leads me to the cry for help after all my efforts have been exhausted. But there is power in the flattening; strength in that place of saying, "I can't do this anymore." I feel fortunate that the big surrenders of earlier recovery are memories, however, the daily reminder-to-self that I'm not in charge of the universe is sometimes harder - definitely more subtle. It would seem that the daily reprieve has to do with not only my addictions, but my emotional well being too. What is it I need to do today to strengthen my ability to pause? How am I practicing the principles of recovery in real life, not just in my mind? (For me, that means contacting my sponsor or talking with a friend when strong emotions get triggered, when I'd usually rather keep it to myself. Again, the "we.")

I drove just under two hours north over the weekend to visit with a good friend who'd driven an hour and a half south. Our neighbors are on a journey to the Canadian border to visit with their daughter  across a barrier. At my recent party, we wore masks as we danced. I wear a mask at my sparsely attended yoga class, and to lift weights, as well as to grocery shop, etc. etc. etc. These are interesting times. Interesting and a little scary, though I've not gone near any large crowds. My spouse is on the front lines, masked and gloved, as is a good friend who is a healthcare worker. I do my best to be safe, and sensible, without giving in to paranoia or outright fear, whether that is sitting, appropriately distanced, in our outdoor AA meetings, or passing someone on the hiking trail. One day at a time, and doing the next right thing are slogans that come to mind. This too shall pass? I imagine, though hard to say when or how. In the meantime, I will stay home more than I go out. I will continue my spiritual practices. I will stay connected to friends and significant others. And, I will practice self-care when  loading up on sweets, or skipping a meeting I otherwise enjoy, sounds more appealing. I am grateful for the many tools of recovery that I can call on to deal with life on life's terms.

Are there particular slogans or recovery tools that are helping you navigate these challenging times? What does the "daily reprieve" mean to you in long term recovery? How are you more comfortable with change than you might've been in the past?                     ~ Thank you for reading. Stay safe, wherever you are.

“I’ve Been Sober a Long Time – Now What? A workbook for the Joys & Challenges of Long Term Recovery” is a 78 page workbook, 8 ½ x11 format, with topics (such as grief, aging, sponsorship) that include a member’s view and processing questions. Available at Portland Area Intergroup at 825 N.E. 20th or online through this blog page. If you would like to purchase online, you will need to go to the WEB VERSION of this page to view the link to PayPal or Credit Card option.   Email me at shadowsandveins@gmail.com if you’d like more information.