I now have the opportunity, desire, ability and time to do whatever is mine to do...                                     ~adapted from Hope for Today, Alanon daily reader, January 28

I've long bemoaned my sense of time urgency - time as higher power, time as in never-enough. It struck me, as I read the above statement last week, that I do have enough time, energy, wisdom and resources to accomplish my heart's desires. I likely always did - my true desires will find a way to the top, no matter what else needs doing. And what I've come to understand, despite any tuning-fork energy to the contrary, whatever needs doing does get done. 

I'm thinking that certain mind-sets may be appropriate to certain time frames, and when the frame of reference changes, so can the mentality. I think about my success with the "Set Aside Prayer" around relationships. I'd concentrated my Step work on having a new experience next time around. I got the new experience, but soon realized I was using the old tools. That would've been fine were I still in rinse-and-repeat mode, but I was in uncharted territory, so needed a new approach to my "ism's" (thank you Alanon!). Similarly, when I was in college, I had a frame of mind that suited the occasion, as in fewer meetings, more studying. And now, newly retired, I have the opportunity to, once again, re-evaluate my relationship to time as well as activities. Having enough feels like a luxury. I do not, for a minute, regret leaving my work-life behind. 

This week's trip to the resale shop generated more emotion than I'd anticipated as I grieved my past life and the people in it that were symbolized by the things I let go of. I felt a little teary, talked about it, wrote about it, and did a small ceremony of release. After leaving the store, I felt lighter, at least partly because the owner seems to value my things nearly as much as I did. I can exhale, grateful that someone else may now get enjoyment from things that had outlived their purpose in my world. 

Whenever I've cleared physical space, with donations, consolidating, or simply moving things around, I always pause to think about my mental and spiritual space as well. The longer I'm in recovery, the more paring-down that occurs, whether you visualize that as the onion peeling or maybe layers of bark coming off a tree. Lila R says that the purpose of sobriety is "to be who you are" - who I truly am, minus pretense or outmoded masks and roles. And what a joy to be in a place of discovery - kind of like early sobriety, but with a lifetime of experience to help guide the way. I had a program call from a woman with just under two years, in that place of questioning self-will vs going with the flow, attempting to determine if her internal chatter is helpful and true, or the dis-ease trying to work its way back in. I suggested getting still, among other things, knowing full well that it was a few years before the spinning top of my mind wore itself down. Sometimes I hear fellow long-timers bemoan the getting older that goes along with sobriety years, but I'll take it any day over the inner confusion of my twenties and thirties. 

And, so, the sun is shining here in the Pacific NW. I have a bit of vaccine-envy as more and more friends are getting their doses. All will be well. All is well, as I wear my masks when out and about, attend my online meetings, talk on the phone, take walks with friends. One day at a time serves me well these days as I ride the covid roller-coaster of worry and boredom vs hopeful anticipation. Take care, friends.

What might have been a frame of reference for an earlier time in your life that no longer fits who you are today? Did any shifts occur naturally, or did you consciously seek change? What does "be who you are" mean today? Are there places where you might still have uncertainty, or a longing for transformation?

I’ve Been Sober a Long Time – Now What? A workbook for the Joys & Challenges of Long Term Recovery” is a 78 page workbook, 8 ½ x11 format, with topics (such as grief, aging, sponsorship) that include a member’s view and processing questions.  (See the 11/17/20 blog entry  for a chapter sample) 

Available at Portland Area Intergroup at 825 N.E. 20th or online through this blog page. If you would like to purchase online, you will need to go to the WEB VERSION of this page, at www.soberlongtime.com  to view the link to PayPal or Credit Card option.   Email me at shadowsandveins@gmail.com if you’d like more information. (my apologies, but with the link, you can only order 1 workbook at a time). ( I offer a price break for locals who can pick up their copy - $15)