Recently I've heard several people speak in meetings about sponsorship, including early sponsors who "ordered" them to call every day at a specific time, or required an appointment. Some people read the Big Book with their sponsors, with or without a 1930's era dictionary handy. None of these were my experience. It took nearly a year to get an actual sponsor (vs in name only), and while I would've loved to be told what to do, mine would often say, in reply to my dilemma of the day, "What do you think, Jeanine?" Cue eyeroll. If I knew what I thought, I wouldn't have called you! In retrospect, which is when most of my wisdom shows up, I understand that I needed to learn to make my own decisions, not simply wait and see which way the wind was blowing. Sometimes "waiting is an action," to quote from Courage to Change, but sometimes it is a way of making you responsible for how a situation turns out for me.
Today, I use sponsorship, and more often or in conjunction, trusted others, when I need a different perspective, or just need to hear myself say out loud what I already know inside. I did recently ask one of my trusted others to call me out if I ever start saying that I'm not an alcoholic. I am, truly, thoroughly, without question. Those holding-each-other-accountable calls are never easy, but isn't that what we do for each other? I'm not talking about some random person in a meeting taking my inventory, but about those close relationships where we know each other on a deeper level and can see when our friend might be wandering down the path of rationalization. Of course, that assumes I'm talking about my wandering mind, which may or may not be the case, and may not be evident unless I tell you. Which is why, for me, having that trusted other is so important - a consistent person who sees or hears me in action.
And, I have sponsees who call me as needed, are working through the Steps, or have a set time to check in. All of my sponsees have over ten years in program, which seems fitting for this long-timer. I have definite memories of what it was like at 30 days but having lived through life on life's terms for decades now, I feel I'm more useful to those who've got the sobriety habit down (though no guarantees!) and are learning to apply the principles in all their affairs, or simply want support along the path.
On another note, 2024 is quickly drawing to a close. Yes, the calendar is arbitrary, but I do like the sense of review and looking ahead that arises this time of year. I came across a list of questions for a year-end inventory of sorts, though could be useful anytime I'm feeling the need for a re-set. I'm sure I lifted them from somewhere, so apologies to the original author.
2. What didn't?
3. What, if any, goals did I have for 2024, and which were completed or not?
4. Any lessons learned?
5. In looking ahead, do I have any plans or goals, perhaps related to health, finances, relationships, home, work, service, creativity?
6. What truly matters to me, and how does my life reflect that?
Who is, or are, your trusted others - the ones who will call you on your BS, as we used to say? In thinking about the year-end review, are there things or situations you might've handled differently? If so, how can you course-correct going forward, or change the goal altogether?
* * *
Might it be time for a year-end inventory or planning for the new year?
The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or hard copy mailed to you). Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. And a reminder that the workbook, is available at the Portland Area Intergroup at 825 NE 20th. for local folks.
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