This past week I drove with my dear friend from Minnesota to Las Vegas as he contemplates next steps after an early out from his job in DC. Part of the journey was spending the night at his sister's place, who I haven't seen in person for many years. I always want to thank her for my sobriety. If she hadn't gotten sober and moved to Portland, then my friend likely wouldn't have moved to Portland and gotten sober when he did and ended up in the treatment program I went to in January 1986. Who knows if I'd have stayed sober without his positive influence. Maybe, but it's been a lot more fun together.
I love stepping back just a bit to look at random connections, all the way back to Bill and Bob. There was the conversation I struck up with a fellow in Vancouver, BC in July, who turned out to be a classmate of my brother's, the woman from a class at the gym who is pals with a program friend, being introduced to someone who turned out to be a work mentor by my then supervisor who knew she was terminally ill. One day at a time, one connection at a time
Speaking of, I attended my original homegroup a couple of weeks ago, having not been there in literally decades. There was one fellow there from those old days and we spoke of the ghosts in the room - Boxcar Leonard, Jack, Kim, Art N - folks whose words and wisdom contributed greatly to my sobriety. Random connections, simply by virtue of walking into the same room week after week. I didn't know that I craved community before I got sober, but I'm so glad that I found it.
In another recent meeting, a member shared that something has shifted in long-term sobriety, that the same annoyances and irritations and fears no longer held much weight. I agree. Being 39 and change, I too have noticed a settled-ness that wasn't there in earlier years.
Some of my internal shifts have felt sudden, though the path to get there was anything but. I think of my tearful prayer while in treatment, "F-it God - I can't do this anymore. You take over." with the feeling like a pencil snapping in two - one minute I needed to get loaded and the next I didn't. A gift. And then, after years of inventory and outside help, there was the sensation of a lightning bolt when I finally understood, from my head to my heart, that my dad's alcoholism and depression had nothing to do with me. A gift.
But much of the psychic rearrangements of these later years have been more subtle, calmer, gradual, with the realization that "Oh That would've been harder in years past," or "Whoa! Did that statement really come from me?" I think the principles of the program become internalized over time, that life on life's terms softens my response, as in "I've been through this before, or know someone who has, and I know I'll be OK." Not that I want the diagnosis or the bad news, the change in plans or finding my foot stuck in my mouth, but time has shown me that I can do just about anything, ODAT.
What random connections have contributed to your ongoing recovery, or perhaps to your career or other life events? What about the psychic rearrangements, cataclysmic or gradual? How are your 10th Steps different today?
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The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. Also, Barth Books and Gifts took a few workbooks back to Yakima, WA with them from Summerfest, if you're in the area
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