Traditions

 After an emotional few weeks, I'm feeling re-centered and at peace. Amazing, the healing power of actually feeling the feelings rather than ignoring them (which never really works). I now feel prepared and open to experiencing the positives of the holiday season - time with friends and family, enjoying neighborhood lights and our own modified decorations (our 2 cats, while technically not kittens, are still very energetic and curious). I'll also spend extra time with my journal, reflecting on this year just passed and the one ahead. I don't do resolutions, per se, but I do generally have ideas and urges towards what I'd like to do and how I'd like to be in the coming calendar year, which coincides with my sober date. 

I am an elder, in both human years and recovery. What does that mean? A few years ago now I was in a meeting sitting next to a newer woman I knew. As a long-timer shared on and on, she leaned over and whispered, "Do all old timers talk a lot?" Dear HP, I hope not - at least I hope I'm not one who does. "Relieve me of the bondage of self," or "Let me be aware if I drift into Bleeding Deacon land." Yes, I've been sober a long time - I know how to keep the plug in the jug, for today - and I don't know what is best for you. I can share my experience, which is all I really have. Let me remember that I don't need to try to impart the sum total of my sober wisdom to the newcomer in one sitting. Chances are, they'll only hear part of it anyway, the part about "keep coming back."

"Remember when you wanted what you now have?" I ran across that quote in one of my notebooks, and yes, I do remember wishing for a relatively simple life that looked remarkably like how I live today. There is something to be said for intention, spoken or otherwise, as well as the sometimes nameless longing that quietly propels me in one direction or another. 

A young cousin is being propelled halfway across the world, moving with her youngest son to an island in the Indian Ocean as a mission of some sort or another. Good for her. She wondered what her grandmother (my aunt) would think. I think she'd be pleased. Taking a leap of faith, leaving what you know to see what the Universe has in store - heck yes! It's semi-hilarious that hers was the only diaper I've ever changed, back in 1972, and here she is, in her 50's setting out for a faraway port. Rock on.

In a meeting this week, the chair spoke to long term sobriety, wondering if there is more to learn and know at this point. For me, that is related to aging, as I, and my peers, navigate getting old. A friend had to cancel a date recently, due to health issues, reminding me that as I age, so do my friends. We are fortunate, and that can mean changes in how and when we interact (like not much driving after dark). The beat goes on, until it doesn't. I've had many experiences over the years of old-timers dying, of helping someone move into assisted living, of showing up at the hospital. May we continue to do together what we cannot do alone. 

This weekend, after walking/jogging a holiday 10k, we had friends over in an incarnation of a gathering I started in about 1987, and next week will be a Solstice meeting. I am nothing if not consistent, an appreciator of tradition. Particulars may ebb and flow, but/and I like having things to look forward to, and I am my mother's daughter - part of what can make holiday time wistful is the memory of Mom's Christmas Eve party, held from 1973 until 2011, watching cousins grow up, neighbors come and go, Mom getting "gussied up" for company, favorite treats on the table... In a time in the world that can feel so haywire and hurtful, I am comforted by the ritual of my holiday traditions. 

What traditions do you follow this time of year, and/or what have you let go of as no longer nourishing? As an elder, what do you see as your role in the program? Are there any dreams or longings whispering to you as a new year approaches? How might you express gratitude for another calendar year sober?

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Time for a year end inventory?   The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you). 

Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a booth