Questioning the practice...

After my last post, a comment  asked about dogma, about shifting alliances, and that phenomenon of feeling like recovery is flat, boring, why-do-I-have-to-keep-doing-this?  The experience of many, and recovery lore, holds that we're doomed to drink again if we aren't vigilant about our habits. What does that mean as time goes on?

At the beginning, I was probably likely to drink or use drugs if I wasn't in a meeting a day. I needed to establish a recovery lifestyle. Over time, that shifted as work, school, relationships, and new pastimes filled the spaces left open when I stopped using.  Today I have a full and rich life, fuller and richer and alive-er because I am in recovery.  Will I take a drink if I don't go to a certain number of meetings? Not today.  What about my spiritual practice, that evolved from my exposure to the principles of recovery?  What do I need to do to maintain my daily reprieve?

I see friends and acquaintances who've stopped going to meetings and have rich and full lives. I see people relapse who stop going to meetings. I see addiction morph into gambling, spending, or food, with or without meetings.  My point is that it seems very individual.

And, it can be confusing and disheartening when I'm in the middle of the desert, questioning my priorities. It is sad when a home group changes and no longer feeds my soul.  It is uncomfortable when a sponsor relationship takes a turn, or simple drifts. It is a little scary to hear someone with 20 or 30 years talking about drinking again.

But, I don't want my recovery to be based on fear.  While my outlook and emotional sobriety shifts and changes, sometimes day to day, my desire is to stay in a place of gratitude, even when (especially when?) I feel the internal shifts that suggest I might need to do something different for my spiritual growth. For me, that's always meant something in addition to my recovery program. For others, it might be an "instead."

What do you think?