Belonging...

I just spent a week in northern New Mexico - beautiful country of high desert, mountains, and the Rio Grande.  And, I felt a real sense of homecoming when I returned to sea-level and our moist northwest climate.  This is my home. My sense of place and belonging is deeply connected to our mossy sidewalks and the sound of  rain on the roof when I sleep.  Even as a kid, when our family moved from the high desert of central Oregon (though not so high as Taos!), I felt a spiritual exhale in crossing the mountain to the Willamette Valley. This is where I belong.

I had that sense of almost immediate belonging the first time I sat down in a 12 step meeting. I'm not saying that I was comfortable, but I knew that these were my people - that I'd found my home.  As we hear so many say, I'd always felt like I didn't quite belong - like something was lacking in me that would let me be comfortable with others. I was initially astounded to see burly guys cry, and hear elderly ladies share incredible strength.  I was relieved to hear people talking about how I felt inside, but didn't have words for.  The walls that I'd allowed addiction to create in my psyche came tumbling down as I soaked up the language of the heart.

I consider the 12 step rooms my spiritual home.  I have other places that feed my need to connect with Creator, God, Higher Power, but the 12 steps are my base.  I've wandered at times over the last 30 years, but always come home to that connection.  Much like our verdant oasis, here where the Columbia and Willamette rivers meet, the 12 step programs are where I can take a deep breath and know that I am where I need to be. Especially in these difficult and heartbreaking times, I need that refuge.  Where is your spiritual home?