My work requires re-certification every 2 years. I am in that process, which is, essentially, writing a check and submitting documentation of continuing education hours. I realized that this may be the last time I write that check, assuming I follow my retirement plan. I might re-up for 1 more stint, "just in case," but I don't need to know that now. The bigger reflection point is looking back on a 30 year career with gratitude.

30 years ago, I was called to do the work I do, yet was terrified and so very doubtful of my abilities. Part of my work involves speaking to an audience, a sometimes disinterested and distracted audience. (thank goodness for the practice that I get in meetings). I was absolutely certain, at 33 years old and newly sober, that I would be unable to fulfill that component of the work, so probably shouldn't even begin the needed education. But, I did, and my work has been a series of taking one small step beyond my comfort zone, and then another, and then another.

It's an odd place to be, this getting older - and I'm very aware that it is a gift not all get to enjoy. A friend who is a few years ahead on the calendar is thinking about the "lasts," as in last day on the job, last run, last time hiking, last trip on an airplane...   So  much of recovery has been about "firsts" (holiday season, date, birthday, job). Shifting the view includes thinking about mortality. There will be firsts with this next phase of my development (first Social Security check, first day without an alarm clock), but, yes, with an eye to the lasts.

I've been journaling specifically about this winding down of my career, and realized that I'd been only thinking of the ending, rather than also the new beginning. I've not thought of myself as someone who gets my identity from my work - I enjoy it, but I enjoy my not-work time too. But, work provides structure - I have someplace to go, a purpose. In what ways will I define purpose and meaning outside that structure? I trust that more will be revealed, in its own time.

What are you looking forward to at this stage of your recovery, of your life? How can you both prepare and let go?

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You might notice that I've added a link to Oregon Recovers on my blog page. I was honored recently to hear the founders and supporters, including Oregon's Governor, speak about the need to increase recovery resources so that all who seek recovery from substance use disorders can find it. Oregon currently ranks 50th in the nation in access to treatment - not good, when even a few days delay can change the entire conversation. Oregon Recovers is an advocacy group for those of us who are usually anonymous. Their mission statement is below. Check them out at www.oregonrecovers.org to learn more.

"Oregon Recovers is an inclusive statewide coalition comprised of people in recovery–and their friends and family—uniting to transform Oregon healthcare to ensure world-class prevention, treatment, and recovery support services for Oregonians suffering from the disease of addiction."