Before my New Mexico getaway, I was privileged to attend an online workshop with Sister Bea, a recovery treasure at 91 years old and 47.5 years sobriety. Ah, the wisdom that comes from those years, and what a sweet surprise to hear that she struggles with the "pause" just like I do. How often do I wish I could grab words out of the air as they leave my lips? Thank goodness for the 10th Step, and for "reasoning things out with someone else" but would be so much simpler (and kinder) if I could do as Sister Bea recommended in a little song (to the tune of "Found a Peanut") Keep your mouth shut, keep your mouth shut...
Speaking of northern New Mexico - it was great spending time with a good friend in those wide-open spaces, with incredible vistas of big sky and mountains, and aspen just beginning to turn autumn gold. At one point, looking out near the Rio Grande Gorge, I thought of Bill Wilson's question - "Who are you to say there is no God?" I can access, or strive for a spiritual connection wherever I am, but for me, there is no denying power(s) greater than myself (however I do or don't define that in the moment) when observing nature's glory. Can I draw on that sense of serenity when I'm in the midst of the To-do list, or in traffic, or on hold with one entity or another? It's a choice, though it doesn't always feel like it when I'm on that last nerve...
This is a month of short vacations, this week going to visit the in-laws as well as our AA home-away-from-home-group family. I love our connections over time and space, kept current with the wonders of zoom. Yes, I bemoan technology (we're still working on connection issues) and I love that I can see friends from around the country with the push of a few buttons.
I've got several medical things coming up - two routine checks and a new diagnostic procedure (when did I get so many "-ologists?!" I am so very grateful for good insurance, and a general feeling of well-being. I also appreciate being raised by a mother who didn't ignore health issues, but also didn't overly focus on what might be wrong. Her mother was a devout Christian Scientist. When she was nearing death, my mom sadly said, "You don't look like yourself" with Grandma chastising her, saying "You know this body isn't who I am," referring to her belief in her divine soul. Along those lines, I just watched Come See Me in the Light, the documentary about poet Andrea Gibson's cancer journey and death. She battled with fear and acceptance, identification with her body and with her soul, and the love shared with her wife that continues even though she is gone. Which is a long way of saying that today I will trust the process, and my stellar and very funny doctor, ODAT.
The reality of powerlessness has been present for me lately (always?). How do you get or stay centered in a place of acceptance while striving to change the things you can? Are there places in your world where you feel the higher power(s)? How do you shift to trusting the process when the first instinct might be efforts at control?
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Feeling like an inventory, or a deeper dive into your program? The NOW WHAT workbook is 78 pages of topics and processing questions, great for solo exploration or in a small group. Go to the WEB VERSION of this blog page for the link on ordering (PDF for those outside the U.S., or who prefer it, or hard copy mailed to you).
Contact me at SoberLongTime@soberlongtime.com or shadowsandveins@gmail.com with questions. A reminder that the workbook is available at Portland Area Intergroup, 825 NE 20th. for local folks. And Jackie, of TMar, has a supply as well, if you're at a conference where they have a table
